Continuing the story of Lydia and Me
How do we find solutions to problems if we don’t know the root cause?
The answer, of course, is “with great difficulty”.
In fact, if we don’t identify the root cause of a problem, we are only ever going to be treating the surrounding tissue, which may alleviate symptoms for a while, but does nothing for the longer term.
As I’ve continued my journey of recovery from mental health and emotional difficulties that got buried deep inside when I was a child, I’ve come to realise that I’ve still got a long way to go.
I’ll turn 70 at my next birthday. I am, in all aspects, in a better place than I’ve ever been in my life, but the process of healing continues, probably because it’s only just begun.
There are times now when I can physically feel the emotional and psychological pain – pain that was compacted down into the mould that was made for me when I was young – finally pushing out from the core of my bones and the pores of my body.
It’s only because I’ve finally been able to acknowledge the source and reach a point of acceptance, that I can sit with this pain, experience it, let it go.
It’s taken a lot of work, a lot of searching, a lot of learning, a lot of losing, a lot of loving, to arrive at this point.
And I do feel sadness, regret, an ache for what I haven’t had, that a lot of people take for granted or even don’t appreciate at all: family. My own family.
But I also know that I have been so, so lucky to have met the people that I’ve met, learned what I’ve learned, found what I’ve found.
As I write there is gentle music playing, the back door is open and Lydia is lying in one of her favourite places, just outside.
It’s a spot that is fairly cool in this summer weather and from which she has a good vantage point of her domain: our back yard.
She barks occasionally at potential invaders – mainly pigeons – but mostly just enjoys being there, as I am enjoying, being here.
I realise that somebody, or circumstances, could take that away from me. But for now, I’m just glad for what I have. It’s a lot.
Glad About 