Tag: beloved

About Time

'A Poetic Potter & A Potting Poet'Leave a comment

 First published 1st March 2022

When I went through a major breakdown in my late thirties, one of the many things I struggled to come to terms with, as I fought my way back to functionality, was the sense of all the ‘wasted time’ that had gone into building a life that at that stage had come to ‘nothing’.

Roll on more than a quarter of a century, and I’ve had a significant shift in mindset. As each day unfolds, I feel a strong sense of being gifted with it; of having all the time in the world. ‘Making the most of it’ can mean anything I want it to mean, whether that be resting, walking, making something out of clay, washing up, doing housework, doing nothing.

So, how did I get from where I was to where I am now?

I’m not sure, because it’s all a bit of a blur, but I know I’ve done a lot of meditating, a lot of searching, a lot of turning myself inside out, of fighting the thoughts that threatened to pull me into despair, a lot of reaching out, falling, getting up again and trying something else.

Sometimes the last push is the hardest and coming to terms with things that I couldn’t change took some doing.  At around the same time that I had a counsellor who was determined to avoid the key issues that I needed to address, I came across a Buddhist teaching that helped me enormously: https://madhyamaka.org/how-to-accept-what-cant-be-changed/.

The lingering sadness associated with not having been able to form a family of my own has taken a different turn recently, in the form of a furry friend.  She’s not a baby; she’s an adult dog. However, she’s done something to my heart that’s filled a gap I never thought could be filled. Time isn’t about what’s past or ‘lost’, it’s about being here and now, with my partner, and our dog.

 

Day 3 – faith

'A Poetic Potter & A Potting Poet'Leave a comment

Writing into Life

One of the meanings of the name ‘Lydia’ is ‘beloved. She is.

Some friends have a dog called Faith. Faith is a small dog. I sometimes refer to our friends as, “Oh ye of little Faith”. 

Faith is something I’ve been looking for all my life.

For a long time, I didn’t know this.  I just knew that there was something missing and I had to find a way of finding it.

In the past I’ve taken ‘leaps of faith’, bracing myself for big steps without knowing where they were going to lead. Landing on unfamiliar ground has led to growth, as I’ve struggled to find my feet and keep going from there.

More recently though, I’ve found an increasing sense of faith in Buddhism; the teachings of Buddha.

Having previously explored different branches of Buddhism, I’ve found strength through the Kadampa tradition, or what is now known as the New Kadampa tradition.

Drawing from my own experiences of Buddhist teachings through the New Kadampa tradition, I find that they are accessible, practical and available.

The Venerable Geshe Kelsang Gyatso Rinpoche – founder and spiritual director of the New Kadampa Tradition – wrote books that present the teachings in a way that is relevant to our modern world and our day-to-day lives.

I’m not a scholar, or a great reader, but I find that I don’t have to be.  Other people who are better scholars and readers than me are prepared to share their skills and knowledge, in ways that help me to live my life. That is something I am so grateful and thankful for.

I somehow find that I don’t want or need to question. I just listen, and put what I can into practice on a day-to-day level. It’s so reassuring when I find that even just trying, making a positive effort, is recognised as a step in the right direction.

So, I’ll keep taking those steps, as I keep taking my steps with Lydia when we’re out walking together on a morning.  We don’t necessarily know where we’re going, but we have faith that we’re on the right path.