Tag: Buddhism

Day 12 – volunteering

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Writing into Life

Photo by u4e00 u5f90 on Pexels.com

Lydia had some anxious moments when she saw another dog while we were out on our walk this morning.  I helped her through her anxiety with some guidance and reassurance, and hope that, over time, and with continued reinforcement, she will start to realise that she no longer has anything to fear, providing I’m with her. It’s no easy thing, working through deep-rooted fear. I know that from my own experience.

Latterly, and increasingly, I’m finding guidance and reassurance from the Buddhist community that I’m lucky enough to live near.  When I say ‘near’, it’s about a 45-minute drive away, but it’s near enough and it still amazes me that it’s there at all.

Finding a source of meaningful guidance and support through fear and anxiety is a big thing. It took me a long time to search out and find this guidance and support but I’m sticking with it now, and hoping that I’ll be able to give back through some volunteering work with the Centre.

I’ve done a lot of volunteering in my life, which has been part of my searching journey.

While at 69 I don’t have the same amount of available energy as I had when I was younger, I feel that I have a clarity and a focus that I didn’t have when I was younger either, so hopefully there’s a bit of a balance going on.

I have a friend who volunteers practically every weekend, after a full-on working week. That’s quite something, especially as it involves a lot of driving and early-morning starts.  Most people want to have long lie-ins at the weekend, but not my friend.  She’s a true star in every sense. Some people just keep shining. You know who you are Jo!

Day 3 – faith

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Writing into Life

One of the meanings of the name ‘Lydia’ is ‘beloved. She is.

Some friends have a dog called Faith. Faith is a small dog. I sometimes refer to our friends as, “Oh ye of little Faith”. 

Faith is something I’ve been looking for all my life.

For a long time, I didn’t know this.  I just knew that there was something missing and I had to find a way of finding it.

In the past I’ve taken ‘leaps of faith’, bracing myself for big steps without knowing where they were going to lead. Landing on unfamiliar ground has led to growth, as I’ve struggled to find my feet and keep going from there.

More recently though, I’ve found an increasing sense of faith in Buddhism; the teachings of Buddha.

Having previously explored different branches of Buddhism, I’ve found strength through the Kadampa tradition, or what is now known as the New Kadampa tradition.

Drawing from my own experiences of Buddhist teachings through the New Kadampa tradition, I find that they are accessible, practical and available.

The Venerable Geshe Kelsang Gyatso Rinpoche – founder and spiritual director of the New Kadampa Tradition – wrote books that present the teachings in a way that is relevant to our modern world and our day-to-day lives.

I’m not a scholar, or a great reader, but I find that I don’t have to be.  Other people who are better scholars and readers than me are prepared to share their skills and knowledge, in ways that help me to live my life. That is something I am so grateful and thankful for.

I somehow find that I don’t want or need to question. I just listen, and put what I can into practice on a day-to-day level. It’s so reassuring when I find that even just trying, making a positive effort, is recognised as a step in the right direction.

So, I’ll keep taking those steps, as I keep taking my steps with Lydia when we’re out walking together on a morning.  We don’t necessarily know where we’re going, but we have faith that we’re on the right path.

Day 24

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Continuing the story of Lydia and Me

Lydia has been less inclined to tug on her lead so far this week, in whatever walking places we’ve been to.

It’s a slow process, unlearning ingrained responses to situations and re-learning new approaches.

I know that myself because that’s what I’ve been doing myself, for a very long time: learning to change negative thought patterns and actions to positive ones.

For Lydia, I’ve taken guidance from a behaviourist and from on-line learning, applying and repeating what I believe are sound principles and recognising that there are no quick-fix solutions.

For myself, I’ve learnt what I could from experience and taken guidance from sources that I believe are sound, including Buddhist teachings and meditation practices.  Again, there are no quick-fix solutions.

It’s hard to find a balance sometimes, between accepting things as they are, and not giving up.

I have by no means given up on anything although, at the moment, I do feel tired, mentally and emotionally.

There is no Buddhist group meeting this week – due to a summer break.

I’ve twice sat down to meditate on my own today, once this morning and again this afternoon. I much prefer to meditate in a group, but the main thing is that I am doing my best to do it on my own, and when I feel tired. 

My ‘old’ way would have been to do nothing because I didn’t know what to do.  I do now.

Day 17

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Continuing the story of Lydia and Me

Waking up this morning I reflect – as I often do – on how fortunate I am to have access to the Buddhist teachings that I have access to.

We’re on a short break from the mid-week classes that I usually go to, but my mind turns to two of the mantras that I have been learning from most recently.  One is in the form of an acronym: RARE.

Recognise

Accept

Reduce

Eliminate

‘Recognise’ is to recognise a negative thought as delusional.

‘Accept’ is to accept the situation in which the thought is arising.

‘Reduce’ is to reduce the impact of the delusional thought.

‘Eliminate’ is to eliminate the delusional thought.

In my experience it can be extremely difficult to identify a thought as delusional because our thought patterns are often so ingrained that we don’t even notice them when they do arise.  However, I’ve recently found that if I start to feel anxious, this alerts me to potential negative/delusional thoughts that are giving rise to the anxiety.  I can then turn my attention to my breath, engage in a short meditation and find that the anxiety starts to abate.

I’ll continue to do what I can to recognise, accept, reduce and eliminate my delusional thoughts.

Most of us associate ‘www’ with ‘world wide web’ but an alternative presented in a Buddhist teaching recently is: ‘welcome wholeheartedly whatever’.

The nun who gave the teaching presented an example of a monk who lives at the Centre who has significant paralysis, is unable to walk and experiences constant pain. Apparently, he affirms the ‘welcome wholeheartedly whatever’ mantra and I’ve found this immensely humbling and inspirational.

I don’t know how things might unfold in my life – none of us do – but if I keep meditating, keep my focus on positives and aim to eliminate old habits where negative thinking takes hold, then I’ll be better prepared to welcome whatever does lie ahead with an open heart.

That’s what I’m aiming for. That’s what I’ll do.     

Day 13

'A Poetic Potter & A Potting Poet'3 Comments

Continuing the story of Lydia and Me

The sawdust firing went well. All the pots now carry various shades of smoky grey. They are not fully vitrified but significantly less porous than when they were in the ‘bisque’ or ‘biscuit’ state. I’m not sure what temperature the sawdust kiln reaches and will have to do some tests in future firings to find out. 

None of the results are what I would call ‘spectacular’; they are more subtle, although I will continue to experiment with different materials and I think the copper wire has a lot of potential for creating interest effects around the outside of pots.

All my pieces for the Show[1] are now packed in the car.

It’s an early start in the morning, so an early night for me.

I keep thinking that I can hear Lydia moving about the house but of course she is in kennels this weekend.

My partner is out with a friend so I have the house to myself. 

A friend from the Buddhist group I belong to circulated a list of ways that we can help our nervous systems to rest and recuperate.  I’ll use this list to help me with the work I’m doing with my own dysregulated nervous system as well as Lydia’s:

Slow down

Allow imperfection

Do one thing at a time

Sense our breath and our body

Create daily rituals and rhythms

Offer ourselves compassion

Lengthen our exhales

Express our emotions

Honour our needs

Nourish our senses

Ask for help

Let ourselves be held

[source: Nicola Jane Hobbs, c/o Jilly]

[1] Aldborough & Boroughbridge Show, Newby Hall, Yorkshire, UK

Day 11

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Continuing the story of Lydia and Me

Spider plants that my “supreme unchanging friend” Maxine grew for me

There were big farm machines harvesting crops in the fields by the side of the road where Lydia and I walked this morning. She’s quite used to farm trucks now and was generally quite settled as they passed.

I’m feeling generally quite settled, although I do have a dentist appointment today. I’ll just concentrate on my breathing and I’m sure it will be fine.

I’m continuing to steadily prepare for the Aldborough & Boroughbridge Show on Sunday.

As featured in yesterday’s post, I’ve planted up some of my pots, with plants that I bought, such as ivy and a heart-shaped vine, but mostly using spider plants that my friend Maxine propagated for me. Everyone should have a friend like Maxine, not just because she propagated spider plants for me – and also gave me some pepper, tomato and cucumber plants that she’s grown from seed – but because she’s been there for me at every turn through some very dark and difficult times. She’s the “supreme unchanging friend” that the Buddhist teachings talk about.

Last night’s class was the fourth on the theme of ‘Cool to be Kind’.  We looked at the “mirror of dharma”, reflecting on how easy it is to see the faults of others but how Buddhist teachings (dharma) can help us to cherish others instead.

The reference book for last night’s teachings was, ‘The New Eight Steps to Happiness – The Buddhist Way of Loving Kindness’ by the Venerable Geshe Kelsang Gyatso[1].

I have a copy of this book and when I picked it up this morning, found a bookmark at page 149.  This is the start of a chapter, ‘Accepting Defeat and Offering the Victory’, with the verse:

When others out of jealousy or anger
Harm me or insult me,
May I take defeat upon myself
And offer them the victory.

This is something I’ve been working on doing, particularly over the last 18 months.  I haven’t and don’t find it easy, and in fact I find it psychologically and emotionally draining.  But it somehow feels like the right thing to do. It offers a way forward for me, even though I don’t know where that way forward is leading.

However, I do have good friends to share my journey with me; and a Show to go to on Sunday.

[1] Founder and spiritual director of the New Kadampa Tradition – International Kadampa Buddhist Union

Day 27

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Continuing the story of Lydia and Me

I had lunch at the World Peace Café today.

It may not be the only Peace Café in the World, but it is the only one that I know, in this part of the World. And it’s a good one.

The lunch followed a morning of Buddhist meditations and teachings, on how to overcome anger and frustration.

I’ve done a lot of work on my ‘anger issues’ over the last 3 decades but found recently that I needed to do more.

The principle presented in today’s teachings is to practise patient acceptance, with a loving heart.

There are some aspects of my life where I find this easy and joyful, such as the work I’m doing with Lydia.  It does require patience, to keep repeating the same training routines and reassurances, and to keep looking for further ways to provide reassurance and help her overcome her fears.

On the other hand, having let go of most of my own anxieties now about being able to keep going on a sustained basis, I no longer feel under any self-induced pressure to achieve ‘outcomes’. We just do what we do, day by day. I love my time with Lydia, and I think Lydia enjoys her time with me too.

I got another ‘wake up’ call from her at 1.30’ish this morning.

This time she did want to go outside, which I presumed was for a toilet need.

Usually, she’ll come back in quite quickly and we settle ourselves down for some more “sleepy time” but this morning I waited a while and then went out to see where she was.

It was a warm and beautiful starry night.

I’m not great on constellations but I did recognise a clear ‘plough’ and a star that shone very brightly, which I thought may have been the North Star.

Thanks to Lydia, I had those few special moments looking up at the stars.

Sitting outside now, as I write, in the sunshine, after a mellow morning followed by a leisurely lunch, I do feel a sense of personal peace that I thought for a long time I would never be able to feel. Yesterday was grief and anger; today is peace.

I’ll still have to keep working at it: meditating; learning; relaxing; growing; writing; loving.

I’m lucky to have a lot of good things in my life and to be able to have days like I’m having today. I do wish that for others too.

My book, Train your dog; train your mind – positive reinforcement for humans and canines – is now available in paperback: https://amzn.eu/d/eQ2sWjU and for Kindle https://amzn.eu/d/99yW3Qk.

I don’t claim to be a dog trainer or a mind trainer – I’m just a woman with a dog who writes a blog, and has written a book, about life, and about being glad.

Day 25

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Nasturtiums

I had a haircut today.

I don’t like a lot of fuss. I just have a wet trim, but it’s a good one.

The hairdresser is tired, almost to the point of tears. She needs a rest, a holiday.

Lydia is enjoying the return of sunshine in our back yard. She’s been an absolute delight to be with today. I’ve given her lots of “rub-a-dub” massages and she’s loving them.

I’ve booked in to a half-day retreat at the Buddhist Centre on Saturday – overcoming anger and frustration. I’ve also booked to go to the Hepworth Gallery in Wakefield on Sunday where they have a Ceramics Fair. So, a good weekend lined up and an easy day tomorrow.

Oh, sleep it is a gentle thing …

My book, Train your dog; train your mind – positive reinforcement for humans and canines – is now available in paperback: https://amzn.eu/d/eQ2sWjU.

The Kindle version is currently for sale at £3.99 on a Kindle Countdown deal https://amzn.eu/d/99yW3Qk.

Day 24

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Lydia enjoying a yak’s milk chew yesterday evening

Continuing the story of Lydia and Me

“Oh, what a beautiful day!”

Yesterday I sat outside on a bench, with a friend. We were watching the world go by. Our part of the world, in our village.  It was quiet, with just a few passing cars, people and birds.

Then my friend suddenly burst into song: “Oh, what a beautiful morning! Oh, what a beautiful day!”* And I joined in.

It was a moment I will treasure and will always remember every time I now walk past or sit on that bench.

My friend, in her eighties, suffering from dementia and grieving the loss of loved ones from her life, gave me a great gift. She transformed my day into a beautiful one, through her spontaneity and joy; the joy of her loving heart, however sad it may be.

This morning as I woke, I found messages on my phone from members of a WhatsApp group I belong to. It’s a group called ‘Sangha Meditation’.  ‘Sangha’ is a Buddhist term for ‘community’ and I really value the support and sense of community that centres around the Buddhist teachings that I go to. The messages were very simple – people just checking in to see who was planning to go the evening meeting – but it was good to be included in that very simple exchange. How wonderful!

This evening’s class will be the last in a series of four, on the theme of ‘Transforming Adversity’.

I’ve had a massive amount of support from friends and therapists over the last few years of my life, when I’ve been doing my best to deal as positively as possible with a very difficult and complex set of circumstances. I’ve also been taking on board the Buddhist teachings, as presented in these weekly classes, and occasionally at weekend and day retreats. 

The practice of meditation has been and continues to be a transformative process for me.  I still have a long way to go to achieve the calm and peaceful mind that I aim for.  However, thanks to friends – in the village and in the wider community – I do now have moments of spontaneously feeling happy. 

I think Lydia has moments when she spontaneously feels happy too. We’re getting there.

My book, Train your dog; train your mind – positive reinforcement for humans and canines – is now available in paperback: https://amzn.eu/d/eQ2sWjU.

The Kindle version is currently for sale at £2.99 on a Kindle Countdown deal https://amzn.eu/d/99yW3Qk.

I don’t claim to be a dog trainer or a mind trainer – I’m just a woman with a dog who writes a blog, and has written a book, about life, and about being glad.

*A song by Rodgers & Hammerstein

Day 10

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Continuing the story of Lydia and Me https://amzn.eu/d/99yW3Qk

Lydia and I have both had healthy breakfasts today.

Her dry food has a high protein content, with lots of different ingredients including pumpkin, chickpeas, salmon oil, blueberries, dried ginger root, green-lipped mussels, glucosamine, chondroitin, Vitamin C, and others.

These pellets form the main basis of her diet, which I top up with additional food and treats. I try to make sure that the treats also have a high nutritional value.

I hope that her diet, combined with our regular exercise, combined with our training routines, will help to keep her healthy in mind and body. I hope that the love and attention I give her will help to keep her healthy in spirit.

My own breakfast this morning took the form of half a banana, some fresh strawberries, natural yoghurt, no-added-sugar muesli and some semi-skimmed milk. Historically I haven’t always been great at making sure that I have a healthy diet, but I’m getting better at it now. I’ve previously worked through an eating disorder and body dysmorphia, so it’s taken me a while to reach a point of having a healthy attitude to food. I do now though, on the whole.

In this blog I’ve most recently been writing about life with reference largely to my relationship with Lydia. This is because we are working together, Lydia and Me. She is learning to “heel” and I am learning to ‘heal’. In fact, we are both learning to heal, and we are helping each other.

Pottery also features as part of the healing process for me.

While I describe myself as a ‘Poetic Potter’ and a ‘Potting Poet’, I haven’t written a lot of poems recently.

I used to write more poetry, particularly when I had no other outlet for or inclination towards the creative arts. I do, however, belong to a poetry group, a poetry ‘corner’.

We meet once a month in a local library.  It’s the library in the town where I was born.

Each month, we set a theme for the following month’s meeting.  This month, the ‘theme’ is the name of the town where we meet; the town where I was born.

The ethos of our group is one of positive feedback; it is a very gentle and supportive group, facilitated by a very gentle and supportive leader.  We get a chance to read out poems that we’ve written, and to receive comments about them. This is the poem that I have written for the next meeting:

The Library
We met in a library
It’s a different library
to the one I meet others in, today
Since then
a lot of waves have washed
upon the shore
and pulled back
into nothing at all
I have little in the way of recall
to the times between
but that doesn’t mean
I don’t or didn’t care
It just means
I am aware
of a great tidal void
between then and now
Except that in this library
at this time
I am nowhere near the same
as I was in that library, then
I hope that we can meet
in this library
again.

© Maggie Baker 2025

A fellow member of the group described the meetings as ‘soul food’.

I’m looking forward to some spiritual sustenance on Saturday, when we have our meeting.  I’m also looking forward to further spiritual sustenance tonight, when I go to the Buddhist meeting. This will be for the second in the latest group of four classes: ‘Transforming Through Adversity’.