After a morning outing with Lydia, to her favourite dog field, I got ready to go to meet up with a friend for coffee.
She had brought her dog, Faith, who got lots of attention and admiration from people in the coffee shop. I do feel sad that Lydia can’t enjoy similar experiences. Maybe one day . . .
My friend and I had a good catch-up. Her company and conversation were very welcome.
Now back at home, here with Lyd. Good just to be with her. It’s a bit too early for her tea so for now we can just do nothing together.
I visited my friend today, who now lives in a care home nearby.
She said it was good to see me and it was good to see her too. She tends to put herself down a lot so I challenge her when she does this. She is such a lovely lady, good company, funny and kind.
Lydia and I only had a short walk today, so I’ll make it up to her tomorrow. She doesn’t seem to mind, and is enjoying some evening air outside, barking occasionally. She’s had her tea and I’m enjoying an early evening glass of wine.
As my friend and I reflected together today, it’s the simple things in life that mean the most: a cup of coffee in the company of a friend; a glass of wine when you fancy one; a loaf of bread and some good cheese. Can’t beat it.
Today I’m considering rule no. 3: Establish (and maintain) good relationships with other suppliers (providing the bases are reciprocal).
Not all friendship relationships are reciprocal. I like to think that I can and do reach out a hand of friendship and support to people without any expectation of return. I do, however, have friends where the relationship is one of mutual support. These relationships help to sustain me through difficult times and I do what I can to sustain my friends through any difficult times that they might be having.
Coming, as I am, through a period of emotional and psychological burnout, I don’t have a lot of giving energy available at the moment.
I am, however, gaining spiritual nourishment and sustenance from an increasing commitment to the Buddhist faith.
‘The Liberating Prayer’, composed by Venerable Geshe Kelsang Gyatso Rinpoche, includes the following two verses:
With folded hands I turn to you Supreme unchanging friend, I request from the depths of my heart
Please give me the light of your wisdom To dispel the darkness of my mind And to heal my mental continuum.
Basically, that’s what I’ve been working on for a long time without knowing it but – more recently, since I started reciting this prayer – with growing awareness of what I am doing and why I need to: to dispel the darkness of my mind and to heal my mental continuum.
To know that I can do this, using methods through meditation and putting the Buddhist teachings into practice in other ways, has been like a hand of friendship is helping me to pull myself out of a deep well. I still have to do the work myself – and it’s taking a massive effort – but I’m not stuck and I’m not on my own. That’s friendship.
I also feel an increasing sense of friendship with members of the Buddhist teaching group that I go to. It’s good to have friendship groups as well as ‘besties’ in our lives.
Having just given Lydia a good ‘rub-a-dub-dub’ tummy rub and chest massage, and knowing that she looks out for me and Trev too, in her way, it’s good to know that we have our own friendship group here at home.
The joys of camping are many, and we were blessed with fine weather and fun this weekend. Even so, it’s good to be back to home comforts: a shower, electricity, a proper bed.
It’s been a great couple of days though.
I’ve met up with old friends, made some new ones and put my vote in for a repeat next year.
Lydia might even be able to join us by then. We’ll see. For now I’m just looking forward to seeing her tomorrow, and we’ll keep doing what we do, day by day, step by step.
I took Lydia to the boarding kennels again this morning, for a three-night stay. It’s the first time she’s been back so soon after her last stay, but this weekend Trev and I are going camping.
We took Lydia camping not long after we first got her, and she was very anxious about it all. She did very well on the whole, sleeping between us in the tent, and I put up windbreaker screens so that she had some space just outside where she couldn’t see other dogs. We also camped as far away from other people as possible. Even so, I had to take her out in the car for her to do her ‘poopie’ and overall it wasn’t the best experience for any of us. So, this weekend, she’s back with her friends at the kennels and we’re meeting up with friends in a field.
I thought my camping days were over, not feeling inspired or enthused as I used to feel at the prospect of sleeping in a tent. However, we received an invitation from friends to join them and others for a gathering this weekend, and it should be a good one.
We’ve got plenty of essential supplies: wine, beer, whisky and gin. We’re all chipping in for a barbecue on Saturday night and our remit was to bring sauces. So, I bought ketchup, brown, salad cream, mayo, various types of barbecue sauce, some relish and some hot. I hope I’ve catered for all tastes.
I’m pretty sure there’s going to be a campfire, singing and hopefully lots of laughing. I think it’s going to be a very good weekend.
Spider plants that my “supreme unchanging friend” Maxine grew for me
There were big farm machines harvesting crops in the fields by the side of the road where Lydia and I walked this morning. She’s quite used to farm trucks now and was generally quite settled as they passed.
I’m feeling generally quite settled, although I do have a dentist appointment today. I’ll just concentrate on my breathing and I’m sure it will be fine.
I’m continuing to steadily prepare for the Aldborough & Boroughbridge Show on Sunday.
As featured in yesterday’s post, I’ve planted up some of my pots, with plants that I bought, such as ivy and a heart-shaped vine, but mostly using spider plants that my friend Maxine propagated for me. Everyone should have a friend like Maxine, not just because she propagated spider plants for me – and also gave me some pepper, tomato and cucumber plants that she’s grown from seed – but because she’s been there for me at every turn through some very dark and difficult times. She’s the “supreme unchanging friend” that the Buddhist teachings talk about.
Last night’s class was the fourth on the theme of ‘Cool to be Kind’. We looked at the “mirror of dharma”, reflecting on how easy it is to see the faults of others but how Buddhist teachings (dharma) can help us to cherish others instead.
The reference book for last night’s teachings was, ‘The New Eight Steps to Happiness – The Buddhist Way of Loving Kindness’ by the Venerable Geshe Kelsang Gyatso[1].
I have a copy of this book and when I picked it up this morning, found a bookmark at page 149. This is the start of a chapter, ‘Accepting Defeat and Offering the Victory’, with the verse:
When others out of jealousy or anger Harm me or insult me, May I take defeat upon myself And offer them the victory.
This is something I’ve been working on doing, particularly over the last 18 months. I haven’t and don’t find it easy, and in fact I find it psychologically and emotionally draining. But it somehow feels like the right thing to do. It offers a way forward for me, even though I don’t know where that way forward is leading.
However, I do have good friends to share my journey with me; and a Show to go to on Sunday.
[1] Founder and spiritual director of the New Kadampa Tradition – International Kadampa Buddhist Union
Lydia is very calm on our walk this morning; much calmer than she’s been on a walk for a very long time. It’s lovely just to amble along with her, stop when she sniffs at and forages blackberries, feel no need to do much other than just walk along with my dog beside me. I tell her what a lovely dog she is and let her know how much I’m enjoying my walk with her.
I also thank her when we get back to the car. I want her to feel appreciated. She is.
The sense of mellowness and calm continues throughout the day.
I visit a friend in the village. We also go for a walk together, and we thank each other to show our appreciation of each other’s company. It’s a lovely thing, to enjoy the company of another; nothing to prove; just a sense of being together, being alive and being there for each other, even if it’s just for that day.
As I write, Lydia is enjoying being outside on a day which is warmish with a soothing breeze.
I’m enjoying being inside, with the door open.
A lingering sadness remains and always will, but the nagging, aching grief has gone, as each day brings something new, or not new. It doesn’t matter. Each day just brings.
No such thing
There’s no such thing As an ordinary day Each day awakens In its own way
Some days it rains Some days it’s sunny Some days are serious And nothing seems funny
There’s no so thing As an ordinary day Each day is different In its own way
Some days are lonely Some days are glad Some days are joyful Others are sad
There’s no such thing As an ordinary day Each day unfolds In its own way
Some days are busy Others are slow Some days it’s hard To know which way to go
There’s no such thing As an ordinary day Each one just passes In its own way
***
And when the day Is done and gone We sleep Until another day That isn’t ordinary Comes along
Glad About 
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