Tag: MAFSAU

Day 25 – weekends

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Writing into Life

Photo by Posawee Suwannaphati on Pexels.com

Lydia had a good run around the dog field this morning, chasing trucks and tractors that passed by on the other side of the fence. 

It could be argued that I shouldn’t encourage her to use her ‘hunt’ capacity as it goes against the training that I do with her on other days, but on balance I’ve decided that the benefits of cardiovascular exercise she gets outweigh the drawbacks.  She just needs to run free sometimes and do what she wants to do, within the safe confines of the dog field.

While she’s doing her thing I do mine, with exercises for my knees and repeats of the Qigong[1] ‘healing form’.

‘Back at the ranch’ I rest for a while, then locate my trusty carpet cleaner to go over the central area of the lounge. I did the whole room a while back but it just needs a freshen up in the middle which gets most of the traffic from paws and feet.  I also give the stair carpet a clean and that’s my ‘domestic duties’ done for the day.  

Back to binge-watching some more episodes of MAFSAU, not feeling under any pressure to do much else. Resting up and prioritising the way I have been is beginning to influence my burnt-out brain in positive ways, so I’m continuing with slow and steady.

It’ll be a takeaway pizza and a bottle of red wine for me tonight.  Red wine was always a favourite of mine on a Friday night when I was working and it still is.  Just because you’re retired doesn’t mean you can’t celebrate the end of the ‘working week’.  On most days during the week I do something constructive one way or another, and I’m looking forward to a relaxing weekend.

I have absolutely nothing planned and don’t feel I need to have either.

[1] Chinese exercise for health and wellbeing

Day 17 – Yesterday

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Writing into Life

Today I woke feel rested at a very deep level; I could feel another shift, slowly but surely in a positive direction.  It doesn’t matter how slow; a small shift is a shift nonetheless.

Yesterday, after a short meditation combined with a cup of tea, I had a lovely walk with Lydia, a long lunch with a friend, did a bit – just a bit – of domestic activity in the afternoon, went to the Buddhist class in the evening and then, back at home, watched a couple of episodes of ‘Married at First Sight: Australia’.  I also enjoyed, while watching the telly, a glass of red wine and some of the delicious houmous that Trev had made earlier.  A bag of cheese puffs rounded off the day nicely.

The themes of MAFSAU and the Buddhist class were the same: happiness.  It’s what we all seek, and we look for it in different ways in different places.

The Buddhist teachings tell me that happiness naturally arises from a calm and peaceful mind.  I now take this on faith and continue to do my best to put the teachings – including the meditation techniques – into practice.  This doesn’t mean that I have to deny myself all worldly pleasures, just recognise that they have their limits and are not a lasting source of happiness. This is what I now believe.

Though a slow process, my ongoing programme of wellbeing activities does seem to be working.

Although I could readily have gone back to bed this morning, after a walk with Lydia through the woods, I felt energised enough to start writing this blog, to check in with Trev, to confirm that I’d make a cottage pie later for tea, and to take my time to let the rest of the day unfold.  I’m booked in to a yoga class later. Tomorrow I’m going to the races but I don’t need to rush to do anything much more today.

I used to feel that I was falling short by not being able to build up and maintain a momentum.  I now recognise that if slow is the momentum that works for me, then slow is the momentum I’ll work with.

Day 13 – fear

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Writing into Life

Lydia started whining when she saw a dog from a distance this morning.  I think she may be starting to process the pain associated with her fear.  I don’t know for sure, but can only continue to provide support, guidance and reassurance in the best way that I can, using the guidance that I in turn have been provided by dog behaviourists and trainers. 

Later we both enjoyed some quiet time outside at the back, with the warmth of the air very soothing this September.

I did some breathing meditation, using the ‘Om Ah Hum’ mantra: Om, as I breathe in, Ah as I hold my breath, Hum as I breathe out.

That is also very soothing.  I know that it is much more than soothing, but I don’t have the words to express that right now, so I’ll settle for soothing for the time being.

After a bit of garden tidying, I don’t feel like doing much else today.  I’ve made the preparations for tonight’s evening meal so I can just relax and do nothing, although I’ve started watching the latest series of ‘Married at First Sight: Australia’ on demand.

During Covid I binge-watched all the back series and carried on watching until I reached a point where I didn’t want to watch any more. I do struggle, though, to find anything else that draws my interest these days and the other day I thought I’d give MAFSAU another go. 

It’s pulling me back in, not least because, cutting through all the glamour and gloss, it brings into focus the struggles that many of us have in terms of establishing and maintaining close personal relationships. My heart goes out particularly to those participants who think that it is a shortfall on their part when their newly wed husband or wife starts to reject them.  I personally don’t think it’s anything of the kind.  It all, I believe, comes back to fear.