Tag: meditation

Day 11 – welcome

'A Poetic Potter & A Potting Poet'Leave a comment

 Writing into Life

As I wake this morning I reflect on a reminder from the Buddhist teachings over the last few months:

Welcome Wholeheartedly Whatever

It isn’t always easy to welcome the difficult stuff especially when it feels like there’s no end of difficult stuff to deal with.

But I find that the more I apply this principle, the more I begin to understand what it means. I’ve still got a long way to go in deepening my understanding of what it means, but I’ll keep working on it.

Today, though tired after yesterday’s intensive session at the studio, including the 50-minute drives to get there and back, I feel a sense of something having shifted in my inner landscape; not a momentous shift – marginal, but a shift nonetheless.

Sticking with a steady routine of walking Lydia daily, going to regular yoga and Qigong classes, building a short meditation practice into my morning routine, benefiting from the expert guidance and teachings from the Buddhist Centre and the weekly classes, and returning to the pottery studio for an afternoon of contemplative creativity in conducive company, are all helping to restore something in me that has needed to be restored for a very long time.

As I write, Lydia is relaxing in a corner of the room on her favourite rug.  She’s had her walk and breakfast, spent a bit of time outside doing a bit of barking, and now – like me – she is ready to rest a bit.

I’ll go out later and do a bit of shopping, taking some soft plastic waste with me to go in the recycling bins that Aldi have in store.  Their distribution methods do create a lot of plastic waste but at least they provide recycling facilities. Less waste would be better but we all have to start somewhere.

It’s hard to say which self-management rule applies here, although it could be rule no. 13: something to do with responsibility.

 

Day 9 – trusting

'A Poetic Potter & A Potting Poet'Leave a comment

Writing into Life

Photo by Pixabay on Pexels.com

A few months ago I had high levels of anxiety which manifested in various ways.

I became highly stressed about my car, as I was having problems with the gears and I started to catastrophise about ‘worst case scenarios’, knowing the extent to which I need my car for daily walks with Lydia.

I pushed through on positives as best I could at the time, the worst-case scenario didn’t present itself and my car has been fine for a few months.

Recently, I’ve started having problems with the gears again.

In the intervening months I’ve taken a lot of time to rest and continue to practice meditation, yoga and Qigong.

I write my blog, in 28-day cycles. The process of writing is proving to be very therapeutic. I’ve written intermittently and irregularly for years but not in the same way as I do now.

My daily walks with Lydia have also been therapeutic, giving us both a good start to the day with regular exercise, fresh air and that all important connection with the natural world.  In Lydia’s case a lot of her connection is through her nose; for me it is more a sense of the air around me and the ground under my feet; the slow steady movement of walking.

This time I haven’t experienced high levels of anxiety about my car problems.  It’s been a minor inconvenience which Trev has helped me with by picking me up from the garage when I dropped it off this morning. It should be ready later this morning and may need a new clutch in the longer term. 

Anxiety, I’m sure, arises from past experiences when we’ve needed to address a problem, and haven’t been able – for whatever reason – to find and implement a solution; where everything fell apart and we had no help in finding ways to put things back together. We’ve learnt to ‘not cope’ and to retreat instead of establishing ways of knowing what to do and how.

When I was younger, I had none of the personal resources and resilience that I have now. I wasn’t taught any coping strategies as any assertion on my part would have upset the status quo, however uneasy that status quo was (and it most certainly was uneasy, at best).

However, through experience and reflection I’ve done my best to learn and change, to take responsibility for the things that make up day-to-day life and to see and do things differently.

I still rely on a small dose of anti-depressant medication every day, but the main processes I use are the ones that are active not passive.  Moving from passive to active has been the major achievement of my life.  The mental effort it has taken has been enormous and sustained, which is why, at the moment, I need to rest a lot as well.  Re-focusing and re-prioritising takes time and I need to continue to trust in the process, however frightening the prospect of uncertainty may seem. I’ve come a long way, just in the last few months. I’m not going back now.

Day 6 – commitment

'A Poetic Potter & A Potting Poet'Leave a comment

Writing into Life

Photo by Eva Bronzini on Pexels.com

It was an early start for Lydia and me this morning.

I’d set the alarm for 6.15 but was awake and got up before then.

After a quick cup of tea I took Lydia out for a walk.

She is very amenable and adaptable to changes in routine. We normally have a slow start to the day and I take her out mid- to late morning.  However, she took it in her stride – literally – as we walked together for about an hour before heading back for breakfast.

Leaving Lydia at home with Trev, I set off to go to a half-day course at the Buddhist Centre, about a 50-minute drive away.

It’s an easy drive and I arrived in good time for the start of the session: Finding the Hero Within.

I was relieved to find that it didn’t mean I had to be able to quickly don a cape and a vest with a big ‘S’ on it and whizz about in the sky. 

The ‘hero’ or ‘heroine’ was defined as anyone who made the decision to train their mind to identify, reduce and eventually eliminate delusional thoughts. Delusional thoughts are those such as ignorance, desirous attachment and anger. These delusional thoughts lead us to believe that our happiness is dependant on external factors or other people rather than ourselves.

For me, an important aspect of the teaching this morning was the emphasis on meditation as the primary means for training the mind, and the acknowledgement that it was all about building things up, bit by bit. Making the commitment, and taking small steps towards achieving it, are the key, with the ultimate aim of building our capacity to be of benefit to others.

This brings me to self-management rule no. 26: Your brief case is an important tool. Use it well. Use it wisely. I’ve struggled with using my brief case – my life – well and wisely, largely because of the mental health complications that I developed as a child and young adult. 

I’ve had to do a lot of unravelling, and that in itself has been debilitating and exhausting. Having said that, perhaps what I’ve done is the best that I could do in the circumstances that I was presented with, and now I can start to do things differently, in the circumstances I’m now in?

There is really only one answer to my question, so I’ll continue to meditate, read the dharma (teaching) books, go to classes and retreats and find whatever way that I can to be the best person I can be, for the benefit of others.

I have to confess I find it daunting – terrifying – but bit by bit, step by step, is the way.

Day 24

'A Poetic Potter & A Potting Poet'Leave a comment

Continuing the story of Lydia and Me

Lydia has been less inclined to tug on her lead so far this week, in whatever walking places we’ve been to.

It’s a slow process, unlearning ingrained responses to situations and re-learning new approaches.

I know that myself because that’s what I’ve been doing myself, for a very long time: learning to change negative thought patterns and actions to positive ones.

For Lydia, I’ve taken guidance from a behaviourist and from on-line learning, applying and repeating what I believe are sound principles and recognising that there are no quick-fix solutions.

For myself, I’ve learnt what I could from experience and taken guidance from sources that I believe are sound, including Buddhist teachings and meditation practices.  Again, there are no quick-fix solutions.

It’s hard to find a balance sometimes, between accepting things as they are, and not giving up.

I have by no means given up on anything although, at the moment, I do feel tired, mentally and emotionally.

There is no Buddhist group meeting this week – due to a summer break.

I’ve twice sat down to meditate on my own today, once this morning and again this afternoon. I much prefer to meditate in a group, but the main thing is that I am doing my best to do it on my own, and when I feel tired. 

My ‘old’ way would have been to do nothing because I didn’t know what to do.  I do now.

Day 17

'A Poetic Potter & A Potting Poet'Leave a comment

Continuing the story of Lydia and Me

Waking up this morning I reflect – as I often do – on how fortunate I am to have access to the Buddhist teachings that I have access to.

We’re on a short break from the mid-week classes that I usually go to, but my mind turns to two of the mantras that I have been learning from most recently.  One is in the form of an acronym: RARE.

Recognise

Accept

Reduce

Eliminate

‘Recognise’ is to recognise a negative thought as delusional.

‘Accept’ is to accept the situation in which the thought is arising.

‘Reduce’ is to reduce the impact of the delusional thought.

‘Eliminate’ is to eliminate the delusional thought.

In my experience it can be extremely difficult to identify a thought as delusional because our thought patterns are often so ingrained that we don’t even notice them when they do arise.  However, I’ve recently found that if I start to feel anxious, this alerts me to potential negative/delusional thoughts that are giving rise to the anxiety.  I can then turn my attention to my breath, engage in a short meditation and find that the anxiety starts to abate.

I’ll continue to do what I can to recognise, accept, reduce and eliminate my delusional thoughts.

Most of us associate ‘www’ with ‘world wide web’ but an alternative presented in a Buddhist teaching recently is: ‘welcome wholeheartedly whatever’.

The nun who gave the teaching presented an example of a monk who lives at the Centre who has significant paralysis, is unable to walk and experiences constant pain. Apparently, he affirms the ‘welcome wholeheartedly whatever’ mantra and I’ve found this immensely humbling and inspirational.

I don’t know how things might unfold in my life – none of us do – but if I keep meditating, keep my focus on positives and aim to eliminate old habits where negative thinking takes hold, then I’ll be better prepared to welcome whatever does lie ahead with an open heart.

That’s what I’m aiming for. That’s what I’ll do.     

Day 8

'A Poetic Potter & A Potting Poet'Leave a comment

Continuing the story of Lydia and Me

We had an early start this morning, Lydia and me.

It was misty when we stepped out, and the spiders had been busy all night by the look of it. There were webs everywhere, finely woven and sparkling when the sun started to shine.

After our walk, I gave Lydia her breakfast and headed off to meet up with a friend.

We don’t meet often, this friend and I, but we settled into each other’s company quickly and easily, as only good friends can do.

Like me, she has recently suffered from anxiety, so we were able to ‘compare notes’. She’s found hypnotherapy a great help; I’ve found meditation works for me, along with affirmations.

“I choose to be peaceful and calm. Everything is unfolding as it should.”

I did a quick Google search and it seems that hypnotherapy is not usually available on the NHS, which means that it sometimes is.

I’ll stick with meditation for now, but hypnotherapy is something that I had little awareness of before and know a bit more about now.

We talked about a lot of other things too, of course, and I so enjoyed catching up with my friend. Then I had another good friend to go home to: Lydia of course!

Good friends come in all shapes, sizes and species. I don’t know where I’d be without them.

Day 27

'A Poetic Potter & A Potting Poet'Leave a comment

Continuing the story of Lydia and Me

I had lunch at the World Peace Café today.

It may not be the only Peace Café in the World, but it is the only one that I know, in this part of the World. And it’s a good one.

The lunch followed a morning of Buddhist meditations and teachings, on how to overcome anger and frustration.

I’ve done a lot of work on my ‘anger issues’ over the last 3 decades but found recently that I needed to do more.

The principle presented in today’s teachings is to practise patient acceptance, with a loving heart.

There are some aspects of my life where I find this easy and joyful, such as the work I’m doing with Lydia.  It does require patience, to keep repeating the same training routines and reassurances, and to keep looking for further ways to provide reassurance and help her overcome her fears.

On the other hand, having let go of most of my own anxieties now about being able to keep going on a sustained basis, I no longer feel under any self-induced pressure to achieve ‘outcomes’. We just do what we do, day by day. I love my time with Lydia, and I think Lydia enjoys her time with me too.

I got another ‘wake up’ call from her at 1.30’ish this morning.

This time she did want to go outside, which I presumed was for a toilet need.

Usually, she’ll come back in quite quickly and we settle ourselves down for some more “sleepy time” but this morning I waited a while and then went out to see where she was.

It was a warm and beautiful starry night.

I’m not great on constellations but I did recognise a clear ‘plough’ and a star that shone very brightly, which I thought may have been the North Star.

Thanks to Lydia, I had those few special moments looking up at the stars.

Sitting outside now, as I write, in the sunshine, after a mellow morning followed by a leisurely lunch, I do feel a sense of personal peace that I thought for a long time I would never be able to feel. Yesterday was grief and anger; today is peace.

I’ll still have to keep working at it: meditating; learning; relaxing; growing; writing; loving.

I’m lucky to have a lot of good things in my life and to be able to have days like I’m having today. I do wish that for others too.

My book, Train your dog; train your mind – positive reinforcement for humans and canines – is now available in paperback: https://amzn.eu/d/eQ2sWjU and for Kindle https://amzn.eu/d/99yW3Qk.

I don’t claim to be a dog trainer or a mind trainer – I’m just a woman with a dog who writes a blog, and has written a book, about life, and about being glad.

Day 24

'A Poetic Potter & A Potting Poet'Leave a comment
Lydia enjoying a yak’s milk chew yesterday evening

Continuing the story of Lydia and Me

“Oh, what a beautiful day!”

Yesterday I sat outside on a bench, with a friend. We were watching the world go by. Our part of the world, in our village.  It was quiet, with just a few passing cars, people and birds.

Then my friend suddenly burst into song: “Oh, what a beautiful morning! Oh, what a beautiful day!”* And I joined in.

It was a moment I will treasure and will always remember every time I now walk past or sit on that bench.

My friend, in her eighties, suffering from dementia and grieving the loss of loved ones from her life, gave me a great gift. She transformed my day into a beautiful one, through her spontaneity and joy; the joy of her loving heart, however sad it may be.

This morning as I woke, I found messages on my phone from members of a WhatsApp group I belong to. It’s a group called ‘Sangha Meditation’.  ‘Sangha’ is a Buddhist term for ‘community’ and I really value the support and sense of community that centres around the Buddhist teachings that I go to. The messages were very simple – people just checking in to see who was planning to go the evening meeting – but it was good to be included in that very simple exchange. How wonderful!

This evening’s class will be the last in a series of four, on the theme of ‘Transforming Adversity’.

I’ve had a massive amount of support from friends and therapists over the last few years of my life, when I’ve been doing my best to deal as positively as possible with a very difficult and complex set of circumstances. I’ve also been taking on board the Buddhist teachings, as presented in these weekly classes, and occasionally at weekend and day retreats. 

The practice of meditation has been and continues to be a transformative process for me.  I still have a long way to go to achieve the calm and peaceful mind that I aim for.  However, thanks to friends – in the village and in the wider community – I do now have moments of spontaneously feeling happy. 

I think Lydia has moments when she spontaneously feels happy too. We’re getting there.

My book, Train your dog; train your mind – positive reinforcement for humans and canines – is now available in paperback: https://amzn.eu/d/eQ2sWjU.

The Kindle version is currently for sale at £2.99 on a Kindle Countdown deal https://amzn.eu/d/99yW3Qk.

I don’t claim to be a dog trainer or a mind trainer – I’m just a woman with a dog who writes a blog, and has written a book, about life, and about being glad.

*A song by Rodgers & Hammerstein

Day 13

'A Poetic Potter & A Potting Poet'Leave a comment
The narrow path through the field that leads to the woods where we walk

Continuing the story of Lydia and Me https://amzn.eu/d/99yW3Qk

Lydia and I had a change of routine this morning.

I usually take her out for a walk mid- to late morning.

This morning, I had my poetry group meeting starting at 10, and I needed to leave for that around 9.20.

I could have taken Lydia out for an early walk, but I needed a bit of a lie in and she didn’t seem too keen on an early start either.

While I understand that routines are generally considered good for dogs (and some humans)[1], I also personally think that an occasional change of routine can be a good thing too.

I’m not alone in holding this view:

Routine keeps us comfortable, but it can also leave the brain in a bit of a rut. When we shake up our daily habits, the brain has to adapt, engage, and stay alert, which can boost mental flexibility and cognitive resilience. Changing up small parts of our routines—like taking a different route to work or brushing our teeth with the opposite hand—might seem simple, but these small acts can significantly affect cognitive health.[2]

My inclination can often be to push myself in order to accommodate the needs of others, including my dog.  That’s no bad thing, except that I’ve recently come to realise that pushing myself progressively over a period of time, to accommodate a very difficult set of circumstances, has had a dysregulating effect on my nervous system. I’ve been experiencing some of the symptoms identified with nervous system dysregulation including feeling emotionally overwhelmed, irritable, or easily triggered’[3] Knowing that I was close to burnout, I’ve also, for some time, been doing quite a lot to try and restore balance, including resting, practicing Qigong and yoga, meditating, walking with Lydia, making things with clay, spending time in good company, spending time alone.

With the line now drawn under the difficult circumstances that I’ve been dealing with, I’m confident that the measures I’ve been taking will start to have more of a positive impact on my emotional and mental health.

I’m also confident that changing Lydia’s routine now and again is not going to have a negative impact on her emotional and mental health.

The theme for the next poetry group session is ‘birds’.  Lydia and I saw a few birds on our walk through the woods this morning. Birds are a source of inspiration for my work with clay. I look forward to letting myself be inspired by the subject of ‘birds’ in my work with words.  It’s good being a Poetic Potter and a Potting Poet, and it’s good being glad about life.

[1] Importance of a Daily Dog Routine & What it Should Look Like

[2] The Cognitive Impact of Changing Your Daily Routine – Very Big Brain

[3] Top 12 Signs of a Dysregulated Nervous System

Day 11

'A Poetic Potter & A Potting Poet'Leave a comment
Lydia with her food ball this morning. She is very skilled at rolling it around with her nose to release the contents

Continuing the story of Lydia and Me https://amzn.eu/d/99yW3Qk

The Buddhist teaching last night was about ‘patient acceptance’, this being the opposite of anger.

I have been working on patient acceptance for some time, and also been struggling with anger.

In his book, ‘How to Transform Your Life’, the Venerable Geshe Kelsang Gyatso Rinpoche says that “We need to think about our own faults because if we are not aware of them we will not be motivated to overcome them.”

I have been motivated to overcome my fault of anger and continue to be motivated to do so; never more so in my life than I am now. Meditating helps.

The benefits of meditating in a group, for me, are significant. That doesn’t mean that I can’t and don’t benefit from meditating on my own, but there is something about a group meditation that I find has a calming effect, at a very deep level.

Today, I don’t feel angry.                

It’s now early evening.

I had a lovely walk with Lydia this morning, then met up with a friend and sat outside in the sunshine, then met up with another friend and had a walk with her and her dog. I think that all adds up to a very good day. I am very lucky, to have had such a good day, today.

Lydia is lying quietly outside.  It’s very peaceful here.