Tag: reassurance

Day 2

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Writing again

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It wasn’t an uneventful walk for me and Lydia this morning as we saw several dogs and a horse from a distance, all with owners – or, in the case of the horse, with its rider.

I thought at one point the horse and rider were going to be heading our way, which would have meant me seeking a quick diversion from their path, down into a ditch, then up and out the other side.  Thankfully, they turned in a different direction, perhaps after having heard Lydia’s initial reaction of barking on sight of them.

Lydia still struggles on sight of dogs as well as horses and I still struggle to find a way of reassuring her.  She gets the principle of not reacting but just finds it hard to put it into practice. I think this is something that many or most of us struggle with, one way or another.

Putting Buddhism into practice was a key theme of the weekend course I’ve just been on.  So, I’ll just keep doing what I can, reflecting and hopefully learning.

As it’s Tuesday I went to visit my friend who used to live in the village but now lives in a care home. As usual, she greeted me with a warm smile, leading me to feel very welcome.

Coming home, I do a few things that I need to do in the kitchen, give Lydia her tea, then start preparing ours.

I’ve made up a sauce based on a pasta dish that I enjoyed when I visited Rome quite a few years ago.  I remember it had mushrooms, ground pistachios and, I think, bacon.  I’ve also included garlic and onion.

I used a food processor to chop the mushrooms up very very finely so that they are almost ground like the pistachios.  I’ve seasoned with lots of freshly ground black pepper, a good splash of Worcestershire sauce, some soy sauce and half a stock cube.

It’s tasty and I’m hungry so time, I think, to start boiling some water for the pasta.

I don’t think we have enough spaghetti so I’ll use fusilli which should also help to absorb the sauce and flavour.

Day 13 – fear

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Writing into Life

Lydia started whining when she saw a dog from a distance this morning.  I think she may be starting to process the pain associated with her fear.  I don’t know for sure, but can only continue to provide support, guidance and reassurance in the best way that I can, using the guidance that I in turn have been provided by dog behaviourists and trainers. 

Later we both enjoyed some quiet time outside at the back, with the warmth of the air very soothing this September.

I did some breathing meditation, using the ‘Om Ah Hum’ mantra: Om, as I breathe in, Ah as I hold my breath, Hum as I breathe out.

That is also very soothing.  I know that it is much more than soothing, but I don’t have the words to express that right now, so I’ll settle for soothing for the time being.

After a bit of garden tidying, I don’t feel like doing much else today.  I’ve made the preparations for tonight’s evening meal so I can just relax and do nothing, although I’ve started watching the latest series of ‘Married at First Sight: Australia’ on demand.

During Covid I binge-watched all the back series and carried on watching until I reached a point where I didn’t want to watch any more. I do struggle, though, to find anything else that draws my interest these days and the other day I thought I’d give MAFSAU another go. 

It’s pulling me back in, not least because, cutting through all the glamour and gloss, it brings into focus the struggles that many of us have in terms of establishing and maintaining close personal relationships. My heart goes out particularly to those participants who think that it is a shortfall on their part when their newly wed husband or wife starts to reject them.  I personally don’t think it’s anything of the kind.  It all, I believe, comes back to fear.

 

 

Day 12 – volunteering

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Writing into Life

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Lydia had some anxious moments when she saw another dog while we were out on our walk this morning.  I helped her through her anxiety with some guidance and reassurance, and hope that, over time, and with continued reinforcement, she will start to realise that she no longer has anything to fear, providing I’m with her. It’s no easy thing, working through deep-rooted fear. I know that from my own experience.

Latterly, and increasingly, I’m finding guidance and reassurance from the Buddhist community that I’m lucky enough to live near.  When I say ‘near’, it’s about a 45-minute drive away, but it’s near enough and it still amazes me that it’s there at all.

Finding a source of meaningful guidance and support through fear and anxiety is a big thing. It took me a long time to search out and find this guidance and support but I’m sticking with it now, and hoping that I’ll be able to give back through some volunteering work with the Centre.

I’ve done a lot of volunteering in my life, which has been part of my searching journey.

While at 69 I don’t have the same amount of available energy as I had when I was younger, I feel that I have a clarity and a focus that I didn’t have when I was younger either, so hopefully there’s a bit of a balance going on.

I have a friend who volunteers practically every weekend, after a full-on working week. That’s quite something, especially as it involves a lot of driving and early-morning starts.  Most people want to have long lie-ins at the weekend, but not my friend.  She’s a true star in every sense. Some people just keep shining. You know who you are Jo!

Day 15

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Continuing the story of Lydia and Me https://amzn.eu/d/99yW3Qk

Having identified a priority for Lydia of giving her more body rubs and gentle massage, I introduced these during our walk today.

So, as well as continuing to reinforce “heel” and “watch”, using some of her daily food allowance combined with tasty treats for rewards, I stopped a few times during the walk to rub around her neck, ears and lower abdomen. 

This had an immediate calming effect. I also made sure that I gave her lots of verbal encouragement as we were walking along: “we’re OK Lydia”, “yes, good girl, we’re doing OK”, repeated often.

This evening, after we’d had our respective meals, Lydia came up to me while I was sitting on the settee, and I gave her some more rubs, all around her ears and down her spine. She sat there for ages while I did this – a far cry from when we first got her, when she would not have been able to accept this kind of attention at all. She came back for a little bit more rubbing and some brushing, and then started barking – an invitation I have come to realise, at this time of an evening, to have a bit of a play.

We played ‘tuggie’ with an old towel for a while, then she settled down.

At my Qigong class today, we started by giving our knees a gentle rub. As Sue, the teacher said, this was an acknowledgement that we were going to be kind to ourselves, to our bodies, for an hour, doing gentle movements under gentle guidance.

I haven’t always found it easy to care for myself; I used to have a tendency to push myself too hard, and to look after others’ needs first. While I continue to want to look out for and care for others, including Lydia, I also recognise now, particularly at this stage of my life, that I need to look after myself as a priority.

So, I have had a good ‘Mental Health Monday’, with a lovely walk around and through a wood; a yoga session which concentrated on developing strength and flexibility in the spine; and a Qigong class which incorporated a range of movements to open up the shoulder blades, promoting a calmer mind through working with the body and the breath.

I’m hopeful that I’m helping Lydia to have a calmer mind too.