Tag: reinforcement

Day 10

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Writing into Life, more

Photo by Leeloo The First on Pexels.com

‘Change’ continues to be theme of the Buddhist class teachings at the moment – tonight will be week 3 of a 5-week course.

There’s a lot of internal and external change going on for me at the moment.

Historically, I’ve worked through a lot of change, in different ways, but more is on it’s way, rising from deep within and arising from outside sources.

This is leading me to feel a resurgence of anxiety that I had a massive bout of a while back, earlier in the year.  Then, I was waking with fear in my gut, leading to nausea and retching.  The retching isn’t so bad just now, I think largely because of a lot of the work I’ve been doing to keep myself calm, through meditation, yoga, Qigong, walking, working with clay. Even so, I’m having to work really hard today to achieve a sense of calm, and I can’t concentrate for very long at all.  So, I’ve chosen to rest into it, not push myself, and to focus on bringing my awareness to the absence of any immediate threats.  The fear that I’m feeling is in my mind, to do with past experiences and the unknowns of the future. But I’m OK today. That’s what I tell myself and keep telling myself. I’m OK today.

Lydia showed signs of fear this morning when we saw a dog in the distance. The other dog – Elkie – is one we’ve seen before and her owner is sensitive to our needs. He makes sure his dog doesn’t get too close to Lydia while I make sure that I keep the distance from our side too.  I do what I can to help and talk her through the experience in what I hope is a reassuring way.  She still growls, snarls, barks and tries to lunge, but I hold her on a short lead while stroking her head and ears. We turn to walk in the opposite direction, she has a good shake, and I start using the “heel” command combined with “Yes” and treats to mark and reward. It isn’t long before she’s settled down fairly soon to a steady pace and we resume our walk. I tell her how well she’s done and even though I don’t think she understands this, I hope she picks up the praise from my tone of voice at least. She gets more “good girl” treats as we’re going along. I also repeatedly tell her that we’re OK, that she’s OK, that we’re all OK.

We’ve both still got a long way to go to work through our fears, and all we can do is keep trying, following the guidance we’ve been given, learning, reflecting reviewing, and repeating as and when needed, for as long as it takes.

Day 20 – learning

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Writing into Life

Lydia and I seem to have had a bit of a breakthrough in terms of how we manage encounters with dogs and moving vehicles while out walking.

While I’ve been using positive reinforcement with her for over three and a half years, I’ve most recently been practising this with a “sit” and “wait” command combination. I’ve also been asking her to “sit” and “wait” before we go out of the back door and again before we go out of the back gate. She’s been getting really used to this and will now often do an impromptu sit before we go through the door.

Using the same “sit” and “wait” combination is now starting to work with her when we see a dog – from a distance – and also when we’re on a road and have cars passing by.  I hold her on a short lead, reward her immediately for the “sit” and reward the “wait” providing she doesn’t bark or lunge.  I also add a lot of reassurance and extra treats and praise afterwards, as I know her fears are still triggered by these experiences, but it does feel like a big step forward. We’re both doing our best to learn and I hope that we can continue to build on this.

I’ve had to do a lot of learning in my life, including a lot of hard life lessons. Learning can be a good way of avoiding being taught (self-management rule no. 35).

It was also good to see a field of still-flowering sunflowers when we were out today. It may be September, but there are still signs of summer.

Day 12 – volunteering

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Writing into Life

Photo by u4e00 u5f90 on Pexels.com

Lydia had some anxious moments when she saw another dog while we were out on our walk this morning.  I helped her through her anxiety with some guidance and reassurance, and hope that, over time, and with continued reinforcement, she will start to realise that she no longer has anything to fear, providing I’m with her. It’s no easy thing, working through deep-rooted fear. I know that from my own experience.

Latterly, and increasingly, I’m finding guidance and reassurance from the Buddhist community that I’m lucky enough to live near.  When I say ‘near’, it’s about a 45-minute drive away, but it’s near enough and it still amazes me that it’s there at all.

Finding a source of meaningful guidance and support through fear and anxiety is a big thing. It took me a long time to search out and find this guidance and support but I’m sticking with it now, and hoping that I’ll be able to give back through some volunteering work with the Centre.

I’ve done a lot of volunteering in my life, which has been part of my searching journey.

While at 69 I don’t have the same amount of available energy as I had when I was younger, I feel that I have a clarity and a focus that I didn’t have when I was younger either, so hopefully there’s a bit of a balance going on.

I have a friend who volunteers practically every weekend, after a full-on working week. That’s quite something, especially as it involves a lot of driving and early-morning starts.  Most people want to have long lie-ins at the weekend, but not my friend.  She’s a true star in every sense. Some people just keep shining. You know who you are Jo!

Day 15

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Continuing the story of Lydia and Me https://amzn.eu/d/99yW3Qk

Having identified a priority for Lydia of giving her more body rubs and gentle massage, I introduced these during our walk today.

So, as well as continuing to reinforce “heel” and “watch”, using some of her daily food allowance combined with tasty treats for rewards, I stopped a few times during the walk to rub around her neck, ears and lower abdomen. 

This had an immediate calming effect. I also made sure that I gave her lots of verbal encouragement as we were walking along: “we’re OK Lydia”, “yes, good girl, we’re doing OK”, repeated often.

This evening, after we’d had our respective meals, Lydia came up to me while I was sitting on the settee, and I gave her some more rubs, all around her ears and down her spine. She sat there for ages while I did this – a far cry from when we first got her, when she would not have been able to accept this kind of attention at all. She came back for a little bit more rubbing and some brushing, and then started barking – an invitation I have come to realise, at this time of an evening, to have a bit of a play.

We played ‘tuggie’ with an old towel for a while, then she settled down.

At my Qigong class today, we started by giving our knees a gentle rub. As Sue, the teacher said, this was an acknowledgement that we were going to be kind to ourselves, to our bodies, for an hour, doing gentle movements under gentle guidance.

I haven’t always found it easy to care for myself; I used to have a tendency to push myself too hard, and to look after others’ needs first. While I continue to want to look out for and care for others, including Lydia, I also recognise now, particularly at this stage of my life, that I need to look after myself as a priority.

So, I have had a good ‘Mental Health Monday’, with a lovely walk around and through a wood; a yoga session which concentrated on developing strength and flexibility in the spine; and a Qigong class which incorporated a range of movements to open up the shoulder blades, promoting a calmer mind through working with the body and the breath.

I’m hopeful that I’m helping Lydia to have a calmer mind too.

Day 6

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Continuing the story of Lydia, Me and our Family of Three https://amzn.eu/d/99yW3Qk

I had a lovely visit with friends yesterday. They lifted me. 

I was late arriving at their house. There had been a road accident and I struggled to find an alternative route. When I phoned them to let them know about my delay, they made sure that I realised it didn’t matter – they just wanted to see me. This meant such a lot to me.

I rested into most of the rest of the evening on my return home, after giving Lydia her tea.

I’m continuing to feed her all her food by hand, as training rewards, either when we’re out on a walk, or at home for her evening meal.

The big treat for Lydia, as part of her evening meal, is a raw bone. Today it’s a chicken drumstick. She waits for 90 seconds on “stay” and then bounds towards me when I say “here”.  Lydia loves her raw bone[1]. It’s a high value treat that provides a really good opportunity to reinforce the training and learning we’re doing together.

Trev went out to buy our tea – fish and chips.  We have some great chippies round here. I like mine with curry sauce. He has mushy peas. This is a high value treat for us.

A phone call from another good friend also meant the world to me and I slept with a much easier mind that I’d had the other day.

This morning, I wake around 8am.   

At some point during the night Lydia went downstairs to continue her sleep in her favourite armchair.  She has a bed in the bedroom which she loves but also loves that chair.

When I go down in the morning to make a cup of tea, she turns from her sleeping position onto her back, with floppy paws.

This is my invitation to tickle her tummy, although these days it’s more of a massage.

I concentrate on her neck, upper arms and chest, rather than her tummy. I’m not a trained masseuse, either human or canine, but I focus on muscles and areas where she might be holding a bit of tension. She makes some soft gurgling noises so I think I must be doing OK. To finish, I take hold of each of her paws in turn and give them a bit of a rub. This will, in turn, help her to feel more comfortable when her paws are being held for claw clipping.

Lydia and I have our woodland walk today. 

I do some heel reinforcement work on our walk across the field towards the wood, and the walk itself is easy. I only have to do an occasional turnabout if Lydia starts to tug, but she’s not doing much tugging at all. After a full circuit, I decide to go back and do the walk again, from the other direction. 

My right knee, that I’ve had a few problems with recently, is much better. 

I’m lucky. At 69 I have no serious physical ailments or infirmities to contend with.

To improve the condition and flexibility of my knees, I’ve been doing some physio exercises that I was taught. I also rub in ‘wear and tear’ lubricating gel, morning and evening, take a good quality multi-vitamin and mineral supplement for joint care, and repeat an affirmation:

“My knee is healing, and getting stronger, each passing day.”

It’s easy to forget, when things are going well, what it’s taken to get to that point.

So, I’ll continue with my maintenance regime, and hopefully continue to enjoy the benefits of healthy knees.

[1] Dogs should never be given cooked bones. Raw bones may not be suitable for all dogs. Consultation should always be made with a qualified canine nutritionist and/or vet.

Day 3

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Wild roses blooming on our walk today

Continuing the story of Lydia, Me and our Family of Three https://amzn.eu/d/99yW3Qk

This morning, I wake with a sense of unease. I try saying affirmations but can’t settle, and decide to just rest into the feeling. It will pass.

Not so long ago, I felt an almost overwhelming sense of fear; almost but not quite. I drew on all the self-management methods I could muster, and it abated.

I let Lydia out into the back yard earlier.

We’re lucky to have a courtyard-cum-garden which is approximately square in shape, has a seating area, a paved area and some flower beds.

It is low maintenance and has become even lower maintenance since we got Lydia.

Lydia likes to dig. 

I decided to not try to stop her digging which means we have big holes in the flower beds.

Even so, or maybe even because of this, we have some self-seeded flowers blossoming – purple foxgloves and yellow Icelandic poppies.

She’s been quiet so far this morning.  When I checked on her earlier, she was lying down, looking up at the sky, following the pigeons in flight but not barking at them – not much anyway.

I’m encouraging Lydia to be “quiet”.  In doing this I’m following some guidelines from an on-line training resource I bought, that follows the principles of service dog training.

Lydia is approximately 9 or 10 years old.  She would have made an amazing service or working dog if she’d been trained from when she was a puppy.  She’s responding positively to the training I’m doing with her now, although it’s a slow process.  This is just as well, because I’m 69 heading towards 70, and slow suits me, especially as I’m learning too.

Trev heads out to yoga. He’s only just started going to yoga classes, tending to favour the gym, and a swim. It isn’t always easy to learn to do new things with your body and your brain as you get older, but that doesn’t mean it can’t be done.

When I do eventually get out of bed I do a few physio exercises for my knees, then head downstairs.

I talk to Lydia, to let her know that we’re not going out for “w-a-l-k-i-e-s” yet. I’m going to meditate first.

It’s the Buddhist group meeting tonight, but I feel I need to meditate now, so I do.

I don’t have a formal routine for meditating at home.

I sit down in my comfy chair with a cushion supporting my back and my feet on the floor.

I put my hands in the position on my lap as we are taught in the class, and partly close my eyes, letting just a little bit of light in.

Surprisingly – to me – I don’t find it too difficult to concentrate on my breath this morning. I don’t have too many distracting thoughts creeping in.  I don’t time my meditation, just do it as long as I want to and can, and then feel ready to go out for our walk.

As is usual now, Lydia waits patiently while I put on her harness and leads. I reward her with a treat, get myself sorted with bag, phone and keys, and then we head for the door.

I ask Lydia to “sit” and “wait” while I open the door. This is all part of our process of learning not to rush, taking things step by step, being calm and not worrying about what may lie ahead.

I take her in the car to the walking place that we’re both most familiar with. We go to this spot at least three times a week, usually mid-week. It provides plenty of opportunity for stress-free walking and stress-free training with occasional but manageable encounters with other dogs.

This morning, we have one such encounter and I apply the techniques that I have been taught by the behaviourist that I recently consulted with.

The distance between us and the other dog and owner are less than they’ve been before, although we still have a couple of grassy banks and a drainage ditch between us.

Lydia does react but she also settles down quite quickly, and we continue on our way.  It is progress. We still have a lot of work to do between us, but it is progress.

I’ve brought some pieces of cooked chicken with me today, and we do some “heel” reinforcement work, as well as some repeats of “watch”.  We are building up muscle memory, hers and mine. I didn’t learn to respond positively to a lot of frightening and difficult to process situations when I was younger and neither did she.  We are on this journey together.