Walking

 First published 6th April 2021

The predicted weather was cold, with possible snow and hail.  Even so, we set off, determined to make the most of the chance to meet up outside and walk with others, following the ‘Rule of Six’.

Although it did turn out to be cold, there was no sign of snow or hail. We walked through glorious countryside in bright sunshine and completed an 8-mile circuit. Not bad considering the effects of ‘lockdown winter’ with gyms closed and the impetus to exercise at home starting to dwindle.  We needed those hills, that fresh air, that blast to the senses.

With 38 years between the youngest of the group, at 27, and me, at 65, our walking speeds were variable. Our younger friends waited patiently at regular intervals for us to catch up – me and my partner plodding along at a steady 2 miles an hour.  We’re not going to break any records but we’re not aiming to.  What we do want to do, however, is maintain reasonable levels of fitness as we progress through our sixties and beyond.

We’ve both struggled with long-term depression but also both never given up on pushing ourselves – and now, sometimes, each other – to keep making that effort – massive though it is – to maintain an exercise regime, in one form or another.

For me it’s tended to be a bit ad hoc – I find routine difficult – although for years I did cycle to work regularly. It wasn’t a long distance but there was quite a lot of uphill on the way back. I often cursed at the end of the day when I wished – how I wished – that I’d driven there in the car.  But I’m sure it’s helped me a lot and I’m glad of it now. Glad to have kept going, pushing those pedals.

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Every so often I used to try jogging.  I found it hard to psyche myself up, sometimes got into a bit of a ‘stride’, and even completed a 10K run once.  Jogging wasn’t for me though, long term. My knees complained and I had to call it a day on that one.

There were times in my life when I simply set off from home and walked until my heels bled. Not recommended but at least it got me out and active.

In later years I did volunteering involving hard labour with a sledgehammer (and called it a holiday!). For that, I set myself training targets, carrying a backpack loaded up to 50lb in weight with books, tins of beans and bags of flour.  A good friend used to come with me on some of these training walks, to make sure that I didn’t fall backwards off the hillside – with that load I would never have stopped until I landed at the bottom!

Now, I enjoy our leisure walks – sometimes with friends, sometimes just the two of us.  We’re planning to do Helvellyn later this year. Must get into training again soon.

Post script 28th September 2025: never did make Helevellyn but I’m pretty sure I’m doing ‘striding edge’ in a different way. I’ll keep enjoying my walks with Lydia, every day.

Day 25 – weekends

Writing into Life

Photo by Posawee Suwannaphati on Pexels.com

Lydia had a good run around the dog field this morning, chasing trucks and tractors that passed by on the other side of the fence. 

It could be argued that I shouldn’t encourage her to use her ‘hunt’ capacity as it goes against the training that I do with her on other days, but on balance I’ve decided that the benefits of cardiovascular exercise she gets outweigh the drawbacks.  She just needs to run free sometimes and do what she wants to do, within the safe confines of the dog field.

While she’s doing her thing I do mine, with exercises for my knees and repeats of the Qigong[1] ‘healing form’.

‘Back at the ranch’ I rest for a while, then locate my trusty carpet cleaner to go over the central area of the lounge. I did the whole room a while back but it just needs a freshen up in the middle which gets most of the traffic from paws and feet.  I also give the stair carpet a clean and that’s my ‘domestic duties’ done for the day.  

Back to binge-watching some more episodes of MAFSAU, not feeling under any pressure to do much else. Resting up and prioritising the way I have been is beginning to influence my burnt-out brain in positive ways, so I’m continuing with slow and steady.

It’ll be a takeaway pizza and a bottle of red wine for me tonight.  Red wine was always a favourite of mine on a Friday night when I was working and it still is.  Just because you’re retired doesn’t mean you can’t celebrate the end of the ‘working week’.  On most days during the week I do something constructive one way or another, and I’m looking forward to a relaxing weekend.

I have absolutely nothing planned and don’t feel I need to have either.


[1] Chinese exercise for health and wellbeing

Day 13 – fear

Writing into Life

Lydia started whining when she saw a dog from a distance this morning.  I think she may be starting to process the pain associated with her fear.  I don’t know for sure, but can only continue to provide support, guidance and reassurance in the best way that I can, using the guidance that I in turn have been provided by dog behaviourists and trainers. 

Later we both enjoyed some quiet time outside at the back, with the warmth of the air very soothing this September.

I did some breathing meditation, using the ‘Om Ah Hum’ mantra: Om, as I breathe in, Ah as I hold my breath, Hum as I breathe out.

That is also very soothing.  I know that it is much more than soothing, but I don’t have the words to express that right now, so I’ll settle for soothing for the time being.

After a bit of garden tidying, I don’t feel like doing much else today.  I’ve made the preparations for tonight’s evening meal so I can just relax and do nothing, although I’ve started watching the latest series of ‘Married at First Sight: Australia’ on demand.

During Covid I binge-watched all the back series and carried on watching until I reached a point where I didn’t want to watch any more. I do struggle, though, to find anything else that draws my interest these days and the other day I thought I’d give MAFSAU another go. 

It’s pulling me back in, not least because, cutting through all the glamour and gloss, it brings into focus the struggles that many of us have in terms of establishing and maintaining close personal relationships. My heart goes out particularly to those participants who think that it is a shortfall on their part when their newly wed husband or wife starts to reject them.  I personally don’t think it’s anything of the kind.  It all, I believe, comes back to fear.

 

 

Day 7 – purpose

Writing into Life

Photo by Tara Winstead on Pexels.com

Lydia and I did a double circuit of our woodland walk this morning.  It was good walking weather, neither too warm nor cold, and she was doing really well with her “heel” work, tugging on the lead only a little but also at times pulling herself into the “heel” position, which I was quick to reinforce with the reward of a treat (or three). She’s not just a “good girl”, she’s the best girl (but then I’m biased).

I’m rewarding myself with the treats of a yoga class followed by a Qigong class this afternoon.

I keep to the routine of my ‘Mental Health Mondays’ most weeks, providing the classes are on. It makes for a great start to the week, working at deep levels which, combined with meditation, help me to push through on positives.

That doesn’t mean that I’m always ‘doing stuff’.  It just means that I’m working on training my mind to not revert to the negative thought patterns that I grew up with, so that I can move forward in different ways, taking care of my body at the same time as I need it to carry me through.

I’ve taken a further positive step by applying to do some volunteering at the Buddhist Centre.

My offer is one afternoon a month for now, as I don’t want to over-commit on top of existing commitments, particularly since I’m still working through a phase of burnout.  But being at the Centre yesterday helped to remind me how replenishing an atmosphere it is, and I have a lot of skills learned in my working life that could be put to good use.

It isn’t always easy, during retirement, to re-establish ourselves after the rigours of working life have taken their toll. I don’t want or need too many things going on but I do need to feel that there is some meaning and purpose in what I do and why I do it.

Day 6 – commitment

Writing into Life

Photo by Eva Bronzini on Pexels.com

It was an early start for Lydia and me this morning.

I’d set the alarm for 6.15 but was awake and got up before then.

After a quick cup of tea I took Lydia out for a walk.

She is very amenable and adaptable to changes in routine. We normally have a slow start to the day and I take her out mid- to late morning.  However, she took it in her stride – literally – as we walked together for about an hour before heading back for breakfast.

Leaving Lydia at home with Trev, I set off to go to a half-day course at the Buddhist Centre, about a 50-minute drive away.

It’s an easy drive and I arrived in good time for the start of the session: Finding the Hero Within.

I was relieved to find that it didn’t mean I had to be able to quickly don a cape and a vest with a big ‘S’ on it and whizz about in the sky. 

The ‘hero’ or ‘heroine’ was defined as anyone who made the decision to train their mind to identify, reduce and eventually eliminate delusional thoughts. Delusional thoughts are those such as ignorance, desirous attachment and anger. These delusional thoughts lead us to believe that our happiness is dependant on external factors or other people rather than ourselves.

For me, an important aspect of the teaching this morning was the emphasis on meditation as the primary means for training the mind, and the acknowledgement that it was all about building things up, bit by bit. Making the commitment, and taking small steps towards achieving it, are the key, with the ultimate aim of building our capacity to be of benefit to others.

This brings me to self-management rule no. 26: Your brief case is an important tool. Use it well. Use it wisely. I’ve struggled with using my brief case – my life – well and wisely, largely because of the mental health complications that I developed as a child and young adult. 

I’ve had to do a lot of unravelling, and that in itself has been debilitating and exhausting. Having said that, perhaps what I’ve done is the best that I could do in the circumstances that I was presented with, and now I can start to do things differently, in the circumstances I’m now in?

There is really only one answer to my question, so I’ll continue to meditate, read the dharma (teaching) books, go to classes and retreats and find whatever way that I can to be the best person I can be, for the benefit of others.

I have to confess I find it daunting – terrifying – but bit by bit, step by step, is the way.

Day 27

Continuing the story of Lydia and Me

I had lunch at the World Peace Café today.

It may not be the only Peace Café in the World, but it is the only one that I know, in this part of the World. And it’s a good one.

The lunch followed a morning of Buddhist meditations and teachings, on how to overcome anger and frustration.

I’ve done a lot of work on my ‘anger issues’ over the last 3 decades but found recently that I needed to do more.

The principle presented in today’s teachings is to practise patient acceptance, with a loving heart.

There are some aspects of my life where I find this easy and joyful, such as the work I’m doing with Lydia.  It does require patience, to keep repeating the same training routines and reassurances, and to keep looking for further ways to provide reassurance and help her overcome her fears.

On the other hand, having let go of most of my own anxieties now about being able to keep going on a sustained basis, I no longer feel under any self-induced pressure to achieve ‘outcomes’. We just do what we do, day by day. I love my time with Lydia, and I think Lydia enjoys her time with me too.

I got another ‘wake up’ call from her at 1.30’ish this morning.

This time she did want to go outside, which I presumed was for a toilet need.

Usually, she’ll come back in quite quickly and we settle ourselves down for some more “sleepy time” but this morning I waited a while and then went out to see where she was.

It was a warm and beautiful starry night.

I’m not great on constellations but I did recognise a clear ‘plough’ and a star that shone very brightly, which I thought may have been the North Star.

Thanks to Lydia, I had those few special moments looking up at the stars.

Sitting outside now, as I write, in the sunshine, after a mellow morning followed by a leisurely lunch, I do feel a sense of personal peace that I thought for a long time I would never be able to feel. Yesterday was grief and anger; today is peace.

I’ll still have to keep working at it: meditating; learning; relaxing; growing; writing; loving.

I’m lucky to have a lot of good things in my life and to be able to have days like I’m having today. I do wish that for others too.

My book, Train your dog; train your mind – positive reinforcement for humans and canines – is now available in paperback: https://amzn.eu/d/eQ2sWjU and for Kindle https://amzn.eu/d/99yW3Qk.

I don’t claim to be a dog trainer or a mind trainer – I’m just a woman with a dog who writes a blog, and has written a book, about life, and about being glad.