Lydia was disappointed at the dog field this morning. No cars passed by that she could chase. Even so, she had nearly an hour off lead and did a lot of sniffing on what was a mild morning that later turned into a bit of a wild day weather-wise.
Hailstones fell as my friend Maxine and I headed to Harewood House to see the Christmas installation that her daughter had designed. It was spectacular, beautiful and inspired.
Quite how it had all been imagined, planned and implemented I don’t know but it really was a work of art in so many ways. A feast for the eyes with vibrance, colour and light.
It isn’t yet December but it is beginning to feel a little bit like Christmas already.
Last night, I slept. Not for a full eight hours but for a few hours at least. It broke the cycle of not sleeping that I’ve had for a week or so, and it helps.
With my cold continuing to do whatever it decides to do, I’m beginning to feel a bit better, but still not up to doing more of the garage clearing that I had planned to do today. Another rest day will help me to recover more quickly and put me in a position to do more sooner, rather than later.
Lydia and I had a bit of a longer walk, though, than we had yesterday and, though chilly initially when we set foot outside the door, it turned into a brighter morning while we were out.
On the way home I bought lemons and honey from the shop at the local petrol station, and also sausages, fresh bread rolls and a baguette, so that Trev and I can have brunch when he gets back from the gym. ‘Feed a cold and starve the flu’ is a phrase I heard long ago, and I have no idea if it is true or not but I am doing what I need to do to look after myself.
After I’d given Lydia her breakfast, and while I was waiting for some ginger to release its wonderful reviving and zingy goodness into a saucepan of boiling water, to add to the honey and lemon concoction for my cold, I cut up some cooked chicken drum fillets that I’d put in the fridge overnight and divided them up into bags for the freezer, keeping one bag out for part of Lydia’s tea tonight. The juice I cooked them in had turned to jelly, so she can have that as an extra treat of ‘Lydi juice’ later. This is good nourishing broth for her. It was good nourishing and tasty broth that Trev cooked for our tea last night, in the form of broccoli and Stilton soup. It all helps.
When I wake, my thoughts again go round to different people in my life.
Then a message from a friend invites me round for a curry at her house later. It’s a welcome invitation which I gladly accept. I’ve started being able to say ‘yes’ to things again. While I still want and need lots of time to do little or nothing, it will be good to spend a few hours with my friend.
Lydia, I think, is missing the warm weather as it’s raining again today. We had our morning walk without getting too wet and I’ve now turned the heating on in the house.
Trev has the ‘Nest’ app on his phone so I adjusted the thermostat controls manually. He would have done it remotely if I’d asked but he may well be in the middle of a museum visit, or driving. There’s an app for pretty much everything these days but it’s good to not be totally dependent on them either.
Having finished the last episode of the latest series of ‘Married at First Sight: Australia’ last night, I decide to start watching the latest series of MAFS: New Zealand. I haven’t done this much binge-watching since Covid but it’s good at the moment just to switch off and watch.
Later …
Before setting off to visit my friend, I meditate for about 20 minutes. After curry combined with kind conversation, I feel a small but still perceptible change in mood; something shifting and lifting. The lift, like the invitation, is very welcome.
When I wake this morning I hear the sound of rain, and my thoughts go to the reminder that has come through the Buddhist teachings: welcome wholeheartedly whatever. I also think of RARE: recognise, address, reduce and eliminate delusional thoughts.
I’ve always liked the sound and feel of rain and generally been an all-weather girl, providing I’ve been wrapped up to face the elements or under cover to relish being cosy and dry. I have loved this long summer though, with the warm and sunny weather that we’ve had and thought I would miss it more than I am doing.
After a cup of tea, a recitation of the meditation prayers to myself (I don’t feel up to chanting them out loud at the moment, not when I’m on my own, anyway), and a meditation followed by the Liberating Prayer*, Lydia and I get ready to go out.
It’s a later start than usual, still damp outside and as we start our walk there is some very fine rain. Not enough to make me wish I’d worn a hood or anywhere near enough to persuade Lydia to wear her raincoat. She really doesn’t like to wear a raincoat and I only persist in getting her to wear one if it is particularly cold and icy. Today it is still warm and the rain holds off as we walk.
It’s quiet, with only a dog walker who I regularly see passing by in her van. I wave, Lydia starts to lunge, I ask her to sit, and she does. What a clever girl. She is doing so well.
Back home, after putting her bag of ‘poopie’ in the bin, I wash my hands and give Lydia her breakfast in her food ball. Before I have my breakfast, I put some dry washing away and put some more in the machine. It’s good to keep on top of housework and doing a bit at a time works for me. I’m not a domestic goddess but I do like a clean house, even if it’s not clean all over all the time. I do it on a sort of rota basis as I concentrate on other priorities. There’s a part of me that wishes I could be motivated to go round the house with a duster every day but I’m not.
Lydia tries to get me to give her some more food but I resist. I do, however, take a bag of cooked chicken pieces out of the freezer, to give her as a surprise treat later when they’re defrosted. For now, she’s lying just a couple of yards away, watching me type and looking very relaxed.
It’s just the two of us at the moment as Trev’s away visiting places in the UK that I don’t want to visit. It’s Corfe Castle for him today. For me it’s the Buddhist class tonight.
Quite where I would be if I hadn’t had access to these teachings, I don’t know, except that I think I do, and it wouldn’t be a good place. Thankfully, I am in a good place and I’ll keep working at it to keep it that way.
My thoughts turn to a friend who introduced me to Buddhism many years ago. He’s not in a good place at the moment so I hold him in my thoughts for a while and hope that he soon is.
The woodland walk this morning was wild and windy for Lydia and me. Winter seems to have suddenly arrived and missed out Autumn. Hopefully it will revert back again, at least for a while.
It was good to have yoga and Qigong to go to this afternoon.
I’m also keeping up with my meditation practice, on a morning before taking Lydia out for her walk. I still have dips into negative thought patterns, but am learning to recognise them for what they are.
Body work, breath work, mind work. I do feel I’m continuing to make progress with my mental health, sticking with the things that work for me and repeating them in cycles that also work for me.
The gears in my car are still not fixed so I’m taking it back to the garage again this afternoon.
I know it will get sorted, one way or another, sooner or later. I do hope it’s sooner though.
Some clarity of thought is coming through and I woke this morning with a lighter heart than I’ve had for a long time.
Even so, I revelled in being able to lie in bed until after 9am, before getting up, making tea for Trev and me, and then doing a short meditation before taking Lydia out for her walk.
Even just a five-minute meditation on a morning is making a real difference, combined with the group sessions that I take part in on a Wednesday evening and the additional occasional teachings at the centre. It’s a slow shift but a shift nonetheless. Yoga and Qigong also have strong meditative aspects to them, working at different levels.
It’s another warm September morning – we are still so blessed with the weather. I know we are blessed whatever the weather but I have enjoyed the weather this summer, moving into autumn.
While waiting in the queue at the post office I do a few exercises for my knees. They are so much better now than a few months ago and I’m not taking that for granted.
I then went on to buy a large unsliced loaf from the local bakery. Two big chunky slices with olive spread and blackcurrant jam make a delicious breakfast for me while Lydia enjoys her food from her feeding ball.
I think back to when I restricted my food intake to such an extent that I used to do an eight-hour evening shift as a waitress, full on, on my feet and rushing round all that time, before I would allow myself a slice of bread for breakfast the following morning.
Even though breakfast for me now is usually late – today around 11.30am – and I rarely have lunch, it’s not because I’m limiting myself by willpower, it’s just because I don’t want to do things any differently. I don’t want or need three meals a day plus snacks.
I’m not thin, but I’m not heavily overweight either. I have Lydia to thank for that, at least in part. Our regular walks every day give my system a much-needed boost.
The joys of camping are many, and we were blessed with fine weather and fun this weekend. Even so, it’s good to be back to home comforts: a shower, electricity, a proper bed.
It’s been a great couple of days though.
I’ve met up with old friends, made some new ones and put my vote in for a repeat next year.
Lydia might even be able to join us by then. We’ll see. For now I’m just looking forward to seeing her tomorrow, and we’ll keep doing what we do, day by day, step by step.
She shows no interest in or inclination to go out in it.
We’re normally both all-weather girls, but today I have no interest in or inclination to go out in it either.
I leave the back door open so that she can go outside if she needs to, and go back to bed.
On checking my phone mid-afternoon, I see that it’s still showing the “connect charger” message.
There is no light on the extension board and no light comes on when I press the wall switch. We have a power cut.
My phone charge is low so I turn it off, in case of emergency.
Thankfully, I can boil some water on the gas hob so make myself a cup of tea.
This is a ‘down day’ but not a ‘down day’.
The depression that I’ve been working through most of my life has gone, as has most of the more recent anxiety.
I’m tired – of course I am – but I’m neither ‘down’ nor ‘out’. I’m OK. We’re OK.
When I look over at Lydia, she is gently licking her paws and doing what she needs to do to look after herself, like I do.
For now, that means doing very little, and that’s enough.
Later we do go out for a walk, between showers.
When I give Lydia her tea, feeding her by hand as I always do, she waits a full two minutes in the “stay” position before I reward her with a raw chicken drumstick.
As always, I remind anyone and everyone to take veterinary advice on any aspect of dog feeding and nutrition. I only know what works for me and Lydia. All dogs are different, just like all people are different.
The newly ploughed field that we walked around this morning. It used to be covered with dandelions. I wonder what will grow there next…
Continuing the story of Lydia and Me
Wonderful weather!
I do love the sunshine and warm weather, but it’s also good to appreciate other weathers too.
This morning, walking Lydia, there was a warmish wind and a few spots of summer rain. I love summer rain, the way it brings out all the earthy scents from the ground.
We had a longer walk than we’ve been having when it’s been hot.
I continue to ask Lydia to “sit” and “wait” before she gets out of the car. I think she doesn’t understand why she needs to do this – why would she? – but she’s starting to resist less. I rub her neck and ears and talk to her while we’re waiting, and think this helps. It’s all about rushing less and being more in the moment.
She has really taken to the “sit” and “wait” routine before we leave the house now, and I give her lots of praise as well as treats. When she makes a soft, gurgly noise from the back of her throat, I think I must be doing something right. She just sounds happy.
I did what I do to reassure her when we had cars passing by on two occasions. She didn’t lunge or bark but they weren’t particularly close either.
A man with two dogs who I am familiar with walked by on the other side of a drainage dyke. I don’t think she saw the dogs because of the height of the grass growing on the banks either side, but she did see the man and started to lunge. I did what I do, and she settled. I gave her some “rub-a-dub-dub” massages and we did a few repeats of the “watch” routine before we continued on.
Earlier, before we’d set off for our walk, she barked at a window cleaner working next door. I called out “here” and she did! Progress. Step by step, day by day. Progress.
Progress for me too. I am so enjoying writing this blog and engaging with interactions around the publishing of it.
I had a good sleep again last night. It may have been aided by the cheeky little gin and tonic I had, sitting outside in the not-so-warm weather. I also read a little – an autobiography which has a very sad central theme with many aspects that are essentially and vibrantly life affirming around that. Good to be reading again, as well as writing.
Train your dog; train your mind – positive reinforcement for humans and canines – now available in paperback: https://amzn.eu/d/eQ2sWjU.
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Glad About 
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