Author: 'A Poetic Potter & A Potting Poet'

First published 9th September 2024

It’s been a while since I wrote a post; I’ve been working with clay rather than words.

https://www.instagram.com/glad_about_ceramics/

Although I’ve previously described myself as a poetic potter and a potting poet, I don’t think that is really the case. They are two separate outlets for expression.

There’s nothing wrong with that, and the two may never combine or get closer. But there’s a part of me that wishes I could find a way of integrating the two, to some extent at least.

At a potter’s fair recently, where I had set up a stand, I sold a small piece – a box that I had made out of solid clay and put through the raku-firing process – to a lady called Lynne.

Lynne was really encouraging about my work, and she also invited me to join a poetry group.

I had some inner resistance as I’ve been struggling with my mental health and know that I need to have time to rest and not over-commit. However, Lynne’s enthusiasm was inspiring and it turned out that the group met only a few miles away from where I live. So, I went along to a meeting.

I’m so glad that I did.

There were just five of us there and each of us read poems that we’d written. We were able to give feedback to each other if we wanted, but there was no pressure. It was relaxed, informal and supportive.

The theme for the meeting was ‘Highlight’ and I’d written a poem – my first in ages – which I read out:

Highlight

The highlight of the holiday
was your choosing of the story;
one that I’d read to you before

It’s a story that opens the door
to a memory of what hasn’t been;
days unseen;
and brings to life the clue
about what to do in days to come –

More highlights –
and maybe after all
nothing left undone.

Sometimes it can be hard to open ourselves up to new possibilities when we’re still coming to terms with grief about the past and/or dealing with prevailing difficulties in the present.

I don’t yet know how my work with words and my work with clay are going to come together directly, if at all, but it’s good to work creatively with words again, as well as with clay.

Thanks Lynne.

 First published 27 April 2024

I’ve somehow arrived at the point in retirement where I have ‘Wellbeing Wednesdays’ in my non-working week.

After taking Lydia – our dog – for a walk – which I do every day, usually twice a day – I go to a yoga class. Then, at 1pm, I have a therapy session. In the evening, providing I’m not too tired (or relaxed) I go to a Buddhist class which includes two meditations as well as the teachings.

I usually sleep well on a Wednesday evening; another factor which contributes to wellbeing.

I do other things on other days, including a Qigong class on a Monday, and pottery/making things with clay when I feel like it. But Wednesday stands out as the day when three focused activities combine to contribute to a strong sense of wellbeing emerging.

 First published 3 April 2024

“Hand in hand to peace of mind”

It amazes me that the Buddhist religion, rooted in the East, is so accessible to me here in the West, in the UK.

“Dharma” is the teaching and “sangha” is the community. I’ve taken refuge in Buddha, dharma and sangha recently and will continue to do so, as it helps me to see things differently, train my mind, start to feel calmer about things that have been profoundly distressing.

Sometimes in life it can feel like we’re faced with an impossible situation. ‘Fight’ or ‘flight’ – the reflex responses – seem like the only options and neither of these provides a way forward. But if we can start to see a problem as an opportunity – something that we can grow with rather than get angry about or run away from, there is potential for a way forward to open up after all.

This isn’t something that I’ve found easy, not now and certainly not when I was younger.

I’ve gone into flight mode at critical times in my life because I just didn’t have the skills or insights, confidence or support to help me do it differently.

I used to struggle to assert myself in any way and used to get it horribly wrong, with disastrous consequences in terms of life choices and relationships.

I was in my late thirties when I discovered Buddhism at around the same time as I found out that I could turn to a counsellor for therapeutic support.

I haven’t always found that Buddhism and personal therapy are comfortably aligned. In some ways they have seemed to me to work from opposite polarities – Buddhism teaches that I give up ‘self-cherishing’ and therapy helps me to learn to love myself (with great difficulty). However, my approach has been to not over-think, take from each what they offer and do my best to move forward in more positive ways. It’s an ongoing journey, still fraught with trials and traumas.

I’ve worked through – cried, ached and screamed through – a lot of emotions over the last 30 or so years. There were some, though, that I put to the back of my mind, locked away because they were too difficult to deal with and I had to find a way of building a life for myself rather than staying stuck. Those locked away emotions do, however, have a way of finding their way out, demanding to be addressed because they need to be resolved. That happened when I retired.

So, I’m now at the point where I’m engaging with both therapy and Buddhism again. Except now they don’t feel so polarised. I just feel very lucky to have access to all the wisdom and wonder of Buddhist teachings from the East here in the West, as well as skilled therapy, that will help me to heal, and to make the most of the life that I have.

 First published 14 November 2023

I’ve recently come through a minor breakdown.

I make the distinction between a minor breakdown and a major breakdown based on the level of functionality that I lost, and the time it has taken to return to a semblance of normal functionality (whatever that means).

When I had a major breakdown over thirty years ago, it took years to recover to the point where I could do paid work again (although I did a lot of voluntary work as part of the recovery process).

In the years leading to my major breakdown, which was effectively from my teens until my late thirties, I developed unhealthy coping strategies.

With no idea how to deal with things differently, I worked out ways of getting through that worked – to a degree – but they weren’t sustainable, and I came crashing down.

“The wound is the place where the Light enters you.” – Rumi
The main thing was – in the trauma of the breakdown experience – I didn’t give up; the survivor in me kicked in. Reaching out for and finding sources of support helped me to rebuild. I started to retrain my brain through meditation and affirmations, did hard physical work and exercise when I could, pushed myself when I felt I needed to; tried to rest and relax into feelings that had previously been buried and then surfaced like a volcano. They were so difficult to deal with.

What do I do
with all these feelings?
Do I chew them up
and spit them out
and start again?
And if I do
what then?

I’m now retired, so in a sense the pressure is off, in that I don’t have to recover enough to fulfil the demands of a job. However, in retirement it is all the more important – and can be difficult – to find reasons to be motivated; to get up in the morning; to have a sense of purpose.

After my recent breakdown, and with support from my partner, good friends, and effective medication, I was able to start drawing on these healthier coping strategies fairly quickly, because I had already built them in to my life over many years; they had become part of my ‘muscle memory’, in brain and in body.

The Chinese exercise for health and well-being – Qigong – works on the whole person; walking our dog takes me into fresh air and the opportunity to appreciate the morning or evening light; making things with clay helps to take my mind away from unwelcome thoughts; Buddhist mind training helps me to just accept these thoughts as thoughts; meditation and affirmations provide the opportunity to let go of negative and introduce positive, even if it’s just for a few moments.

I haven’t yet achieved that all elusive peace of mind – my mind is still a work in progress – but I can at times feel a sense of peacefulness in the moment, and that is very welcome.