The theme for the poetry group meeting today was ‘food’. We feasted on each other’s interpretations, and as always it was a very friendly and welcoming experience.
Coming home, I did a few practical things around the house, including making a meatloaf for dinner.
Lydia and I have had a quiet day together. She did do quite a bit of barking outside but has just had her tea and is now licking her paws and front legs. She is so good at self care. The vet commented on how clean her ears were at her last health check and I was proud to say that she did it all by herself. Such a clever girl. That’s my Lydia.
After a morning outing with Lydia, to her favourite dog field, I got ready to go to meet up with a friend for coffee.
She had brought her dog, Faith, who got lots of attention and admiration from people in the coffee shop. I do feel sad that Lydia can’t enjoy similar experiences. Maybe one day . . .
My friend and I had a good catch-up. Her company and conversation were very welcome.
Now back at home, here with Lyd. Good just to be with her. It’s a bit too early for her tea so for now we can just do nothing together.
Had a lovely afternoon at the pottery studio today.
Thanks to Karen, Charlotte, Jenny, Lee and Sarah for their company and friendly conversation. Such a lovely atmosphere. I finished off some pots that I’ve been working on for a few months, spraying on a glaze layer before the final – stoneware – firing. I have some different decorating techniques that I’ve been experimenting with, so looking forward to seeing how they turn out.
Also started on some new work – hand built – trying out different textures and making some use of plaster moulds. I finished one piece and left it on the shelf for a bisque firing. Two others are in progress, wrapped up in plastic and placed in a damp cupboard so that they’ll be still in workable form in a couple of weeks.
Home to my lovely Lydia, she’s had her tea and is now sitting outside – occasionally barking.
Trev’s bringing fish and chips back for our tea, so no need for me to do anything much more than finish this post and enjoy a cold beer – sipped from a champagne glass, of course!
‘Change’ continues to be theme of the Buddhist class teachings at the moment – tonight will be week 3 of a 5-week course.
There’s a lot of internal and external change going on for me at the moment.
Historically, I’ve worked through a lot of change, in different ways, but more is on it’s way, rising from deep within and arising from outside sources.
This is leading me to feel a resurgence of anxiety that I had a massive bout of a while back, earlier in the year. Then, I was waking with fear in my gut, leading to nausea and retching. The retching isn’t so bad just now, I think largely because of a lot of the work I’ve been doing to keep myself calm, through meditation, yoga, Qigong, walking, working with clay. Even so, I’m having to work really hard today to achieve a sense of calm, and I can’t concentrate for very long at all. So, I’ve chosen to rest into it, not push myself, and to focus on bringing my awareness to the absence of any immediate threats. The fear that I’m feeling is in my mind, to do with past experiences and the unknowns of the future. But I’m OK today. That’s what I tell myself and keep telling myself. I’m OK today.
Lydia showed signs of fear this morning when we saw a dog in the distance. The other dog – Elkie – is one we’ve seen before and her owner is sensitive to our needs. He makes sure his dog doesn’t get too close to Lydia while I make sure that I keep the distance from our side too. I do what I can to help and talk her through the experience in what I hope is a reassuring way. She still growls, snarls, barks and tries to lunge, but I hold her on a short lead while stroking her head and ears. We turn to walk in the opposite direction, she has a good shake, and I start using the “heel” command combined with “Yes” and treats to mark and reward. It isn’t long before she’s settled down fairly soon to a steady pace and we resume our walk. I tell her how well she’s done and even though I don’t think she understands this, I hope she picks up the praise from my tone of voice at least. She gets more “good girl” treats as we’re going along. I also repeatedly tell her that we’re OK, that she’s OK, that we’re all OK.
We’ve both still got a long way to go to work through our fears, and all we can do is keep trying, following the guidance we’ve been given, learning, reflecting reviewing, and repeating as and when needed, for as long as it takes.
I visited my friend today, who now lives in a care home nearby.
She said it was good to see me and it was good to see her too. She tends to put herself down a lot so I challenge her when she does this. She is such a lovely lady, good company, funny and kind.
Lydia and I only had a short walk today, so I’ll make it up to her tomorrow. She doesn’t seem to mind, and is enjoying some evening air outside, barking occasionally. She’s had her tea and I’m enjoying an early evening glass of wine.
As my friend and I reflected together today, it’s the simple things in life that mean the most: a cup of coffee in the company of a friend; a glass of wine when you fancy one; a loaf of bread and some good cheese. Can’t beat it.
Yesterday I ate cake and nothing but cake. But I didn’t eat the whole cake. I had some more for brunch today and there’s still plenty left. It’s just as well, then, that I like cake.
It’s quickly come back round to ‘Mental Health Monday’, with yoga and Qigong each concentrating on areas that I’m glad to have some help with, including joints, back and legs. All good for mind, body and spirit.
Lydia is learning not to bark at the sheep in a field close to where we start our woodland walk. The field that the path to the wood cuts through is planted with a combination of brassicas and legumes that are still in the early stages of growing. I haven’t seen this combination of planting before, and wonder if it will be a crop that matures before winter, or in the spring. We shall see.
Although it is a signed public footpath through the field, I’m careful where I tread, to minimise impact on the crop. At the moment it doesn’t look like it’s getting much traffic other than from Lydia and me, but over the last few years it has been well trod throughout the year.
Lydia spots a squirrel in a tree, but doesn’t seem too inclined to try and chase it. She does sniff and pull a lot through the wood. On the way back, though, she’s more settled. With a bit of encouragement from me, we walk past the sheep and get back to the car. It’s a grey dampish day but thanks to Lydia I’ve had a chance to get some fresh air and exercise, and smell the smells of the earth and the autumn leaves.
I wake this morning feeling lighter of heart than I have for a long time.
To celebrate, on the way home from my walk with Lydia, I stop off at the shop and buy the ingredients to make cake.
When I bake, I bake big, and I make lots of lemon and vanilla cake, including one for our new next-door neighbour. So far, I haven’t properly introduced myself, although I did give him a friendly wave when I saw him in his car while I was out doing some work in the front yard last week.
Trev’s out so Lydia and I have some quiet time together while the cake is cooling down enough to sandwich layers together with lemon curd and vanilla icing. I can tell it’s going to be exceedingly good cake.
Lydia’s enjoying some ‘Lydi juice’ – chicken broth – as the final course for her tea, which has included cooked chicken drum fillets, her main course of BARF[i]-based dried pellets and a raw chicken wing.
Trev is preparing our tea – soup made with some leftovers from earlier in the week plus some additional fresh vegetables and other ingredients, to help keep us healthy. It will also taste good.
It took me a while to work out a diet for Lydia that suited her needs and was practical, and the one we’ve arrived at does seem to work.
I change the flavour of her dried food regularly, because none of us want to eat the same things all the time, and I occasionally change brands. The website ‘www.allaboutdogfood’ offers helpful information with comparisons available for content and cost. I was also fortunate to be given some advice from our local dog food supplier, and I feel confident that Lydia does have a good quality balanced diet which – also important – she enjoys. She is by no means a fussy eater and also enjoys treats such as dental sticks, pieces of carrot, banana, apple, pear and peach.
Trev and I generally have a healthy diet, eating little in the way of processed food and plenty of fresh fruit and vegetables. I’m conscious of keeping my cholesterol intake down and don’t find this difficult at all. Tomorrow, Trev is having a steak while I’m having some salmon. Hardly what I would call ‘hardship’.
We also like our treats and, I think, all the better for being occasional rather than every day. We do have some ice cream lined up for later, and I can feel a nice glass of red wine coming on …
[i] Biologically appropriate raw food; all good quality ingredients with high protein content and superfood additions, to help keep her healthy
A friend told me recently that she had started to suffer from anxiety.
It had taken her by surprise as she loves her life, and considers the anxiety to be a chemical imbalance, that she is addressing through prescription medication.
I remember once feeling so frustrated when a GP described my mental health difficulties as a chemical imbalance. For me, medication has only ever been part of the equation, because of the complex nature of my experiences.
While I continue to rely on a daily dose of anti-depressant medication – a maintenance dose – I continue to additionally find my own ways of addressing internal imbalance, through the practises of Qigong, yoga, meditation and so on.
With no pottery session planned this afternoon, I’m booked in for an additional yoga class.
Lydia and I have had a walk together and she is now enjoying some time out in the back yard – her yard.
I’ve done a bit of housework so far, made and drunk some coffee, had some breakfast – a crusty roll with blackcurrant jam.
It may not be the most exciting start to the most exciting day, but it is just a start.
Later …
I do some front yard work – tidying, sweeping, cleaning – in preparation for the winter ahead. It’s good to do focused physical work, outside in the fresh air. And good to keep up my momentum of ‘a bit at a time’. Things are gradually getting done.
Glad About 
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