Lydia woke me at about 1.30am, with a gentle nudge from her nose.
I thought she must need to go outside for a pee but as I started off downstairs, I realised she wasn’t following me. When I went back into the bedroom she was rolled over, ready for me to tickle her tummy; give her a “rub-a-dub-dub” massage that she’s growing to love. So I did.
Now, I realise I probably shouldn’t be encouraging disturbances to my sleep in this way, but then again she asked so nicely, and I do think we are approaching a breakthrough position with addressing her anxiety. So, I give her plenty of “rub-a-dub-dubs” before reintroducing her to the idea of “sleepy time”.
This afternoon, I had a good play session with my steam cleaner. It’s almost as good fun as a pressure washer and the bathroom is now clean.
After a shower – in my now clean bathroom – and an early change into pj’s, I sat outside for a while, reading.
I finished the autobiography that I’ve been reading for a couple of weeks. It ended with an account of an inquest into the death of a family member. The writer’s loss is immeasurable, as is the courage and humanity shown by him and his family. Re-engaging with life, through grief, isn’t easy, but they are doing it. Every day, they are doing it.
I don’t claim to be a dog trainer or a mind trainer – I’m just a woman with a dog who writes a blog, and has written a book, about life, and about being glad.
Keeping things simple is key for me just now. I can’t cope with complicated nor do I want to.
What better way, then, than to enjoy the company of friends, as I have done this weekend.
Yesterday I visited a friend – a fellow Ceramic Artist – at the Dovecot Gallery, near Doncaster, where she was exhibiting. It was a summer show in a garden setting, full of colour and creativity.
Today a friend and I visited a friend of hers. We sat together for about four hours, talking. Just talking. It was lovely to have a three-way conversation, each of us bringing in thoughts and ideas from our lives and experience.
My Ceramic Artist friend is a year or two older than me, so in her early 70’s. She started out in her career with clay just a few years ago. Rarely have I come across anyone more passionate about what they do.
My friend’s friend is about 10 years younger than us. Unlike me, she doesn’t enjoy good physical health, but she doesn’t let that stop her expressing herself through her art. She is a talented Textile Artist as well as a dog lover and owner of four canine companions.
While I aim in this blog to be positive about pushing through into a position of mental health recovery that I’ve been working towards most of my life, at the moment I’m struggling to get my brain to function.
Despite enjoying the company of friends, despite the wonderful weather, despite the woodland walk I had with Lydia this morning, I’ve hit a wall.
At least though, now, I know it won’t last, that I just need to rest – which I will – and tomorrow will be another day.
Looking across at Lydia, as I write, she is looking back at me. I’ll give her some more “rub-a-dub-dub” massages later, to help soothe her vagus nerve and I’ll keep doing what I need to do to help soothe mine too.
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After dropping my pots off yesterday with Imogen, who runs the firing service that I use, I went to the pottery studio. There I had a quiet afternoon making more pots. I didn’t count how many I made. I discarded one and there was another that I could have discarded but I chose to keep it. It has a quirky shape, not quite what I was aiming for at the time – my throwing skills are still very much in development:) – but it may turn out to be a pot that somebody chooses to buy, and loves.
This morning, I lie in until about 9.30, although get up a few times to let Lydia out into the back yard and then go out to her when she starts barking. I give her a good “rub-a-dub-dub” massage to help calm her down and she settles again, for a while.
It’s another hot day so we only have a short walk but it’s a relaxed one. Lydia is walking by my side, to heel, most of the time. She does start to lunge and bark at a passing car but I do what the behaviourist taught me to do and then give her plenty of verbal reassurance, combined with some more “rub-a-dub-dub”. I think she’s started to associate the phrase with the massage now, so we’ll keep working on it.
I notice that my knee is a lot better; the right one that I tend to have problems with. I also notice that I’m spending more time rubbing in the ‘wear and tear’ lubricating gel that I bought, to help with it. The combination of gel, affirmation, physio exercises and joint care vitamin and mineral supplement is working. Slowing down the pace, focusing on priorities, is working too, for Lydia and for me. The stress that I had been feeling a few days ago is dissolving, for now at least. How wonderful this weather is; long may it last.
Despite, or more likely because of the mind, body and breath work I’ve been doing over the last few days, I’m feeling quite stressed today.
If this sounds contradictory, it isn’t. When I do work on myself at a deep level, I find it releases stresses and toxins, and then it can take a while for them to work out of my system. So, I’m taking the time to be easy with myself for a few days. I’ve just been reading outside while it is warm and sunny, but with some welcome shade.
Lydia is loving it too. I gave her a few “rub-a-dub-dub” massages on our walk this morning, as well as a really extended one before we left the house.
“I choose to be peaceful and calm. Everything is unfolding as it should.”
I have a trip to the cinema with friends lined up for this afternoon and will then go on to the Buddhist meeting this evening. For now, I meditate and then go outside to enjoy a bit more of this amazing weather. One more cup of coffee for the road? Yes.
As I wake this morning, Lydia is lying at the foot of the bed. She is looking neither sleepy nor restless. I get up to go to the bathroom and, on the way, give her a “rub-a-dub-dub” around her ears, neck, chest and upper arms. I go downstairs, open the back door, make tea and take it back to bed with me. I need some more “sleepy time” and I encourage Lydia to have some more too.
Lydia comes from Romania. So, she’s not only had to learn about a different culture and adjust to a different climate, she’s also had to learn a new language.
I have found Lydia to be very quick to learn on a lot of things. She soon got used to me saying “stay” when we had to leave her alone in the house, and has never had separation anxiety, like a lot of dogs do.
Other words/phrases I’ve introduced to help us to communicate with each other are “peepie time” and “poopie time”. “Peepie time” was important for house training, although we never really had any problems with that, except in the very early days when she was inclined to occasionally have a wee on a carpet.
“Poopie time” was important as for a long time she was very reluctant to have a poo in the back yard. While she mostly did her poos when we were out walking, there were occasions in the early hours of the morning when she had a tummy upset but just would not relieve herself in the back yard. So I ended up driving her out to a quiet country road – one of our usual walking spots – where we would walk up and down until she eventually felt able to do what she needed to do, and then we could go home. There was a time when my partner’s grandsons were staying with us and I had to take Lydia out in the car in the early hours; then when I eventually got back into bed, a cry came up from the boys’ room: “Maggie, I’ve had an accident!”. Quite what was going on in our household that night I don’t know but we did eventually all settle down for a bit more sleep.
I have now managed to train Lydia to occasionally have a “poopie” in the back yard, so that we don’t have to have any more early morning drives out into the country. I’ve still got a long way to go in learning her language, but I do think the “rub-a-dub-dub” is a good development for both of us. I stop and give her quite a few of these on our walk this morning, hopefully helping to regulate her vagus nerve.
As I write there is a window cleaner cleaning next door’s windows. Lydia starts to bark and I say, “No!” firmly and call her to me. Eventually she does come to me and I give her another “rub-a-dub-dub”. I’m hoping this might start to become her cue to feel more settled and calmer when we encounter whatever triggers her fears when we’re out walking. We shall see.
I certainly feel more settled and calmer today after yesterday’s breath and body work, stretching and strengthening. To consolidate this, I’m going to now do some meditation, before visiting a friend this afternoon. Oh, but I think I’ll have another cup of coffee first, because I’m retired, and I fancy another cup of coffee.
My knee is healing, and growing stronger, each passing day”
Having identified a priority for Lydia of giving her more body rubs and gentle massage, I introduced these during our walk today.
So, as well as continuing to reinforce “heel” and “watch”, using some of her daily food allowance combined with tasty treats for rewards, I stopped a few times during the walk to rub around her neck, ears and lower abdomen.
This had an immediate calming effect. I also made sure that I gave her lots of verbal encouragement as we were walking along: “we’re OK Lydia”, “yes, good girl, we’re doing OK”, repeated often.
This evening, after we’d had our respective meals, Lydia came up to me while I was sitting on the settee, and I gave her some more rubs, all around her ears and down her spine. She sat there for ages while I did this – a far cry from when we first got her, when she would not have been able to accept this kind of attention at all. She came back for a little bit more rubbing and some brushing, and then started barking – an invitation I have come to realise, at this time of an evening, to have a bit of a play.
We played ‘tuggie’ with an old towel for a while, then she settled down.
At my Qigong class today, we started by giving our knees a gentle rub. As Sue, the teacher said, this was an acknowledgement that we were going to be kind to ourselves, to our bodies, for an hour, doing gentle movements under gentle guidance.
I haven’t always found it easy to care for myself; I used to have a tendency to push myself too hard, and to look after others’ needs first. While I continue to want to look out for and care for others, including Lydia, I also recognise now, particularly at this stage of my life, that I need to look after myself as a priority.
So, I have had a good ‘Mental Health Monday’, with a lovely walk around and through a wood; a yoga session which concentrated on developing strength and flexibility in the spine; and a Qigong class which incorporated a range of movements to open up the shoulder blades, promoting a calmer mind through working with the body and the breath.
I’m hopeful that I’m helping Lydia to have a calmer mind too.
My knee is healing, and getting stronger, each passing day”
This affirmation has been coming into my head this morning and I kept saying it to myself, over and over again, as I drove to the walking spot for Lydia and me.
I also kept saying it over and over to myself as I was walking with her. And as she was walking with me, she was walking easily to heel most of the time.
I reinforced this with occasional reminders: “heel – yes – good girl”/treat. But she seemed happy to fall in easily by my side with a loose lead, and we had a lovely walk together in the sunshine, with a light breeze.
I’m looking into how I can do more work with Lydia’s vagus nerve, and more work with my own nervous system, dysregulated after years of doing my best to address compounded complex sets of difficult circumstances.
The website, stuffofsuccess.com, identifies a number of ways that a dog’s vagus nerve can be re-set or stimulated:
1. Learn to read their body language. Anxious dogs tend to drool, pant heavily, pace back and forth, or whine when they’re feeling anxious. Some dogs may tuck their tail between their legs or pin down their ears. Pay close attention to your dog’s body language so you can react quickly to help settle them down.
2. Show them some physical affection. Few things get a dog to calm down faster than the owner’s touch. Pet parents can help alleviate their dogs’ stress by holding them or petting them during stressful events.
3. Put on some classical music. Music therapy has been shown to work for some anxious dogs. Dogs with mild separation anxiety may benefit from music therapy when they’re left at home alone.
4. Try aromatherapy. Use an essential oil diffuser to fill the air with calming aromas such as chamomile or lavender. You can also try diffusing synthetic pheromones that can help calm dogs.
5. Provide a calm, safe place. If your dog’s anxiety is triggered by thunderstorms or loud noises like fireworks, it’s important that your dog feels safe when these triggers occur. Dogs’ ears are much more sensitive than human ears, so consider placing a white noise machine in a cozy spot in the house to drown out the noises that are scaring them. Keep stimuli to a minimum.
6. Dress your dog in a calming vest. Calming vests wrap around your dog, offering a consistent level of pressure that can make them feel calm during stressful situations.
7. Provide proper socialization. Exposing puppies to a wide array of social situations can help stave off anxiety at a young age, but you may want to skip the dog park. Provide socialization in a more controlled environment first. Older dogs who may have pre-existing traumas or phobias may need the help of a trained behaviorist.
8. Make sure hyper dogs get enough exercise. Sometimes the best thing for a hyperactive dog is to let them get their energy out through exercise. If your dog is exhibiting destructive behaviors at home—chewing, jumping, biting—they likely have pent-up energy that needs to be exhausted. Take them for a walk or give them some extra playtime to help bring down their stress level.
9. Avoid eye contact with hyper dogs. Dogs love attention, but sometimes this can be counterproductive. Hyper dogs who are exhibiting anxious behaviors may feel validated when they receive attention while acting out. Instead, try to ignore a hyper dog until they calm down. Then reward them for calming down with lots of eye contact and dog treats.
10. Give them calming supplements. Chamomile, pet-friendly CBD oils, and melatonin are all good options for helping lower your dog’s heart rate. Check with your veterinarian before giving your dog any over-the-counter supplements to ensure you’re giving your dog the correct dose.
11. Consider anxiety medication. If most calming techniques are not working to calm your dog down, talk to a veterinarian about getting your dog a prescription anxiety medication.
Of these, I haven’t done any work with her so far on 4, 6 and 11. I do occasionally burn a scented candle or some joss sticks in the house, but generally the house is a calming environment for Lydia.
If she was demonstrating anxiety all the time, at home and during walks outside generally, I would consider anxiety medication. But she’s so much calmer than she used to be when we’re outside, that I would be reluctant to go down that route because of potential side effects. We’ve recently consulted a behaviourist regarding her reactivity to other dogs, and we continue to put into practice the techniques identified. Therefore I’m going to do more work with her on ‘massage and gentle pressure’ as my identified priority for the time being.
Ear massage, neck and throat massage and acupressure & TTouch are identified on stuffofsucess.com as techniques that focus on nerve stimulation, for example using “light circular motions along the spine and near the ears”.
I don’t know what TTouch is so will do some more research to find out. In the meantime, I can do more of what I’ve been doing on ear, neck and throat massage.
Having done that bit of research, and identified a priority to help Lydia feel more relaxed, I can now look forward to a bit of relaxation for myself for the rest of the day.
We have a neighbour coming round to enjoy the sunshine with us. Warm sausage rolls, cold beer, potato salad and coleslaw. It’s going to be a good afternoon.
Glad About 
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