I’m taking some time out this weekend – just me and Lydia – to rest and recharge. I knew I’d run out of steam and, after a bit of searching on #airbnb, found a super dog-friendly place just a couple of hours drive away.
It’s a small, converted barn, built in the 19th century and perfect as a peaceful retreat.
I don’t have a coherent plan about what to do while I’m here but it involves eating, drinking, sleeping and catching up on a few things.
There is a secure grassy area so I can let Lydia out whenever she wants.
Yesterday she had a walk in the morning as usual, then I took her to a secure dog park near where we live #poochiepark before we set off to come here. Tomorrow we’re booked into a park near the barn #littlepaddocks. So today it’s a pj day for me.
I think Lydia is OK with this arrangement – she looks pretty chilled to me.
For many years of my life, I struggled to find any sense of identity, direction, purpose or path.
I didn’t know why this was the case, or what to do to change it. It took many years of jumping in at the deep end – particularly with relationships. I hadn’t known how to form them or make emotional connections of any kind when I was younger, and eventually I knew that I had somehow to kick-start my life into action if I was going to have any kind of life at all.
Two divorces, another failed relationship, a shipwreck of a business venture and extreme bullying in the workplace led to me having a breakdown in all aspects when I was in my late thirties.
This included having what was described later by a psychiatrist as a ‘psychotic episode’. The psychotic episode followed a period when I was desperately trying to be as positive as possible about a situation that was too much to bear. Afterwards, my brain went ‘clunk’, ‘clunk’, ‘clunk’ down into the depths of depression and I have spent much of the last 25+ years training my brain to come to terms with the past and think differently about the present and future.
In my desperate state, running on survival instinct at best, I began to realise that I was very much not alone; that many people were struggling with many different difficulties, and when I could I reached out to help them too. I decided at one point that, knowing I was going to feel crap inside for a very long time, at least if I did ‘stuff’ along the way, I’d know that I hadn’t just done nothing.
After doing loads of different kinds of voluntary work and then part-time paid work, I was able to start a full-time job again and sustain myself in that for the next 14 years. By that time, I’d learnt to prioritise, and I concentrated on work to the exclusion of most other things. Working and resting didn’t offer much scope for a personal life, but it was my way of getting through. At one point I decided that, if I could achieve nothing else in life, I would make sure that my cat, Bertie, had a good one. It felt like that was enough, and I do believe it was. At that time, that was my purpose in life.
Who is to say what is important in this world and what isn’t? In finding my own priorities I finally started to find my own path. Not a well-trodden one, and not one without trip-ups and tricky spots along the way, but mine.
I was eventually able to start and maintain a fulfilling relationship and my life is continuing to open up in ways that I could never have imagined possible when I was so aimless and adrift.
I continue to prioritise on a day-to-day basis, often on things that may not seem important to other people, but they are precious to me. My purpose is to make the most of things that come my way, the everyday, the challenges, the opportunities to engage – with others, with household tasks, with being creative or being quiet.
I woke up to a different – and rather wonderful – view this morning, after staying overnight with friends.
Their dog – Faith – slept most of the night on my bed. Lydia hasn’t yet ever slept on my bed and if that’s her choice that’s fine, but I would like to think that she knows she can if she wants to.
Back home, I made some vegan and some meat sausage rolls for the Qigong fuddle we’re having tomorrow evening.
I’m beginning to feel reasonably well organised for Christmas, partly because I’m not cooking a Christmas dinner this year so there’s less for me to organise, and partly because I’ve now bought all the presents I wanted to buy, have posted all the cards I need to post and written most of the others. It’s good to feel that I can just enjoy what I’m doing every day which tomorrow will start with picking Lydia up from the boarding kennels. It’s just not the same here without her.
As I have now completed my latest cycle of writing for 28 days, I’ll be republishing earlier posts for the next couple of weeks, and then I’ll be back on the other side of Christmas.
It was a bit frosty and misty this morning when I took Lydia out.
We were earliesh because I was taking her into kennels and then going straight to a poetry group meeting.
After the meeting a few of us went for a festive drink, and I have another sociable event lined up for this evening, going to visit friends.
Lydia will enjoy her weekend break with friends and I’ll enjoy mine.
I’ve also been to a Christmas Tree Festival in our local church, and bought what I think will now be the last of my Christmas presents for this year while I was there.
The house isn’t the same without Lydia but I’ll be picking her up on Monday morning, bright-eyed and bushy-tailed – and that’s just me!
It was raining a bit this morning when Lydia and I were in the dog field, and again this afternoon when I was working outside at the Buddhist Centre.
The rain was soft and gentle and wasn’t cold, although I made sure I was well wrapped up as well.
That’s what our Mum used to do – make sure we were ‘well wrapped up’, like presents. Scarves, gloves, socks, raincoats.
Our house was cold as we didn’t have central heating – only cold fires until gas fires came along. Somehow, though, she managed to warm our gloves before we put them on. And she knitted jumpers and cardigans using a knitting machine and job lots of dark green wool that she must have bought in the market.
Today I didn’t need gloves and I didn’t feel cold, although I was a bit damp by the end of the afternoon. A cup of strong hot cocoa and another soak in a hot bath – my second this week – soon sorted me out.
I’m hoping to sleep well tonight after my fresh air and exercise today.
Lydia is steadily finishing her tea and I’m hoping that she’ll sleep well tonight too. She got to chase a few trucks and vans as they passed by the dog field this morning, so we’ve both had a reasonable amount of fresh air and exercise today.
I brought two finished pieces home with me from the pottery studio this afternoon.
The two pieces are very different.
One was thrown on the wheel, turned to trim off and shape, then decorated using a technique that I’ve been developing, using layers of underglaze applied with small separate brush strokes.
The other is hand-built, in a freestyle form, using coils and creating texture with various implements and materials.
The former is, I think, a vase. The latter I’m going to use as a candlestick.
On the way home from the studio I stopped off to do some shopping for groceries.
The house was dark when I got back. Trev was out but Lydia was there to greet me.
She hadn’t been on her own for long and doesn’t get separation anxiety like a lot of dogs do.
Even so, she was pleased to see me and, after putting the shopping away, it was time for her tea.
Trev brought fish and chips back for ours which I thoroughly enjoyed, complete with curry sauce, of course!
My car was booked in for a service this morning so Trev followed me round in his car to the service centre, where I transferred Lydia from my car to his so that I could walk her on the way home.
The car was ready by early afternoon and it was a clear and mild day so I walked back to pick it up.
Later in the afternoon I had a bath – the first bath I’ve had in a long time. Showers are so much easier in so many ways but I did enjoy a good soak, with the addition of some mineral salts and an essential oil – ylang ylang.
The theme for the current Buddhist course – last week, this week and next week – is ‘love’. This week the emphasis was on ‘affectionate love’; a love that is free from delusions such as attachment and anger.
It is such a lovely theme to explore in the context of Buddha’s teachings and feels especially so at this time of the year. I consider myself very fortunate to be able to receive such wonderful words of wisdom.
I wasn’t able to visit my friend M today as I usually do on a Tuesday as I didn’t want to take germs into the care home.
My cold isn’t yet fully developed but still lingering in the background.
I took Lydia out for a reasonable walk and since then have been taking it easy. I did put our Christmas tree up though, and made some roasted red pepper and sweet potato soup for our tea.
I’d boiled the bones and carcass from a chicken we’d had earlier in the week, making stock for the soup and providing some ‘Lydi juice’ for Lydia that she enjoyed after her tea. It had turned to jelly on cooling, so nourishing as well as flavoursome.
Seasonal branches adorning the fence at our Qigong venue this evening
Lydia is steadily getting used to her new collar. By the end of our woodland walk this morning it felt like she was almost gliding along next to me. The lead that I attach to the collar has a bungee section at the end of it, which helps.
Yoga this afternoon had a strong emphasis on the pose of a tree, and in Qigong we did a lot of work on developing the strength and flexibility of the spine. I felt quite focused in both sessions and enjoyed the poses and movements.
Despite all my health and wellbeing activities, I feel like I may be starting to come down with a cold, so may have to rest up tomorrow if it lingers.
I’m hoping for a good night’s sleep though, tonight. Lydia has already joined me in the bedroom for her ‘sleepy time’ and I’m going to settle down for the night now as well. Sweet dreams.
For the first time since May I didn’t write and publish a blog post yesterday, so I’m doing it today instead.
I completely forgot after having had a lovely afternoon with friends, making Christmas wreaths.
My friend Maxine had organised it, and we all contributed different kinds of foliage from different places. I’d bought some bunches of festive foliage at the Buddhist Centre when I was there on Friday, and there were baubles, ribbons and lights that Maxine provided for us, along with some delicious snacks and drinks.
Trev gave Lydia her tea while I was out so I didn’t have to leave early, and was pleased with my creation which is now hanging up on our front door.
I’ve got some more get-togethers with friends coming up over the next couple of weeks, and made a really good start with this one.
Glad About 
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